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Attacked by Gorillas  |  Improve Yourself, The Attacked by Gorillas Way!  |  Foodstuffs  |  Rejected Breakfast Cereals « previous next »
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Author Topic: Rejected Breakfast Cereals  (Read 686 times)
Axel Night
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« on: August 13, 2008, 01:33:59 PM »
Seven bowls of morning goodness you probably won't see on your local supermarket shelf.  Forum-goes contribute to the madness and let your wisdom be heard!

http://attackedbygorillas.com/2008/08/13/rejected-breakfast-cereals/
« Last Edit: August 16, 2008, 10:34:22 AM by J.D. Kenzan » Logged
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lilwoodenpuppet
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« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2008, 03:54:37 PM »
Moving away from alphabits from around the world, let's try something new in our cereal isle (they're a little weak, but it's all I have right now):

Shai'Hulud Crunch

Would you too like to become a god-emperor?  You can now with NEW Shai'Hulud Crunch!  Just one bowl contains enough sandtrout to give your child the mental boost they need to succeed! 
Warning: Not FDA approved for human consumption.

Head Crab Puffs

What once used to crave your brain as food is now YOUR brain food!  Starting the day with a bowl of head crabs has been known to increase the grades of children 10 to 10-1/2 by minisule amounts!  And not only will your children's grades improve, but they'll be 20% more likely to NOT be taken over by head crabs*!
*There is no preventing head crabs.
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Sasha Kenzan
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« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2008, 10:35:30 AM »
The sad thing is that someone is going to eventually demand a bacon-flavored cereal, and that is when I will weep a salty tear for the nation.
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Lord Tiberius Methadone
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diosloco@hotmail.com
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« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2008, 12:56:46 PM »
I think I clearly speak for Griff and myself when I say...

NOT HALAL!
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« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2008, 02:32:07 PM »
Scruples!
Not only a fun word to say, but now it's a breakfast cereal!
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SignNinja
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« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2008, 12:28:06 PM »
New from General Mills it's Ninja Flakes!!!

Tired of your cereal being bland and not giving you enough energy to rip your enemy's heart out of his chest and eat it? Try Ninja Flakes! Contains wheat, bran, and broken shards of glass laced with cyanide! Not tough enough for you? Fine! How about we add two scoops of syringes filled with Pure Hatred! Still not tough enough? Well how about instead of packing it in a live wolverine! That should be tough enough for ANY ninja's nutritious breakfast!

And don't forget, each wolverine of Ninja Flakes contains a surprise Decoder Ring! True it may not seem like much but once you get it out you'll feel WAY better about getting it than you did that Madagascar 2 collectable spoon!

Ninja Flakes: If this doesn't kill you, it usually succeeds in a second attempt!
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BlinderGuardian
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awarner1990
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« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2008, 01:40:58 PM »
A diet, Christian cereal.  Low in calories, high in salvation.
It's less filling than most cereals, and we think that's because captain crunch is a pirate heathen.
it shall be called...

And On The Seventh Bowl, He Rested.
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Othgar the Flamboyant
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BeefcakeDaMitey
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« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2008, 04:32:39 PM »
If they have alphabets whuy note RUNES! using all of the old norse runes.

Is your life empty? OF COURSE IT IS!! Fill up on Valhallska flakes and the battle to digest begins!

and on a serious note i would not be surprised to see a lucky charms knock off with all religious holy symbols
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Excuse me ladies and gentlemen if I may, I would like to raise awareness of pecan on viking hate crimes....
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awarner1990
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« Reply #8 on: December 01, 2008, 06:13:37 PM »
Crosses, Stars of David, and the Yin Yang too!
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SaikyoCrusher
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« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2008, 07:02:01 PM »
Nabisco Shredded Meat
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Othgar the Flamboyant
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BeefcakeDaMitey
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« Reply #10 on: December 01, 2008, 09:30:22 PM »
Quote from: BlinderGuardian on December 01, 2008, 06:13:37 PM
Crosses, Stars of David, and the Yin Yang too!

I would be tempted to eat that cereal but think about it.  Other than a Yin Yang how many sharp angles are in all of the other holy symbols, a cross, star, crescent moon?  may be enlightenment in a bowl but it will fuck your mouth up to where you cant spread the word.
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Excuse me ladies and gentlemen if I may, I would like to raise awareness of pecan on viking hate crimes....
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awarner1990
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« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2008, 03:21:42 PM »
No, it turns your milk into holy water, of course!
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SaikyoCrusher
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« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2008, 06:46:23 PM »
Quote
No, it turns your milk into holy water, of course!

It's great for fighting off Count Chocula.
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awarner1990
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« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2008, 10:18:38 PM »
Or twilight fans.
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« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2008, 01:14:51 PM »
Quote from: BlinderGuardian on December 02, 2008, 10:18:38 PM
Or twilight fans.

ZING!
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