Boogity Boogity Boogity

[Brick Prior]

It's been an act all this time:  I really am crazy.

[DrDetroit]

This is how you start a Monday!

[Axel Night]

I'll start by saying I only hold a grudge against Uwe Boll for Blood Rayne.  Not because it was a bad movie.  It was a bad movie.  I like bad movies.  I watch some stupid shit.  It's that he made the wrong bad movie.  Blood Rayne should have been a cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  Uwe Boll just made the wrong cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  I want Rayne to puff out her barely-clad chest, lop off a Nazi's head while doing a crotch-exposing flip, then say a corny one-liner in a sultry tone.  I want a flat (only in the literary sense) character who's only emotions are rage and sex, who's closest mortal human trait is that she grunts erotically when she gets hurt at key plot-points designed to build tension.  I want her to fight zombies for no reason.  I want her to solo a tank in the confines of a German castle, without asking how it got there.  And when she is standing, dripping with sweat, amidst a pile of bloodied corpses, when the glorious, totally unrealistic violence may just be desensitizing me to anything else that could possibly be thrown my way, THAT is when we put in the randomly unnecessary sex scene with the otherwise unimportant character who was not in the games.

Yes, I had hopes that Blood Rayne would be like countless other bad movies.  I had wanted it to only vaguely follow the small spattering of story the games had as a vehicle to poorly acted, low-budget sex and violence, and I was let down.  And I hated him for it.

But, in many other respects, I stand behind Uwe Boll.  First off, I have seen interviews with him as well as read/watched comments by people who have met him.  The man has a deep passion for making movies.  He absolutely loves what he does.  For the most part, his name has been attached to the word "suck" because the movies he has wanted to make have been attached to video game licenses without really supporting the plot and feel of what are essentially pre-manufactured stories in need of a special kind of care to please an audience who, like my rant above, already know what they want to see before they see it.  Add in that it's an audience of young, opinionated Internet users, and you have a recipe for disaster.

While I don't like his movies, mainly for those reasons, I refuse to buy into this petition hype.  I think it's pretentious and a downright shitty way to treat a human-being.  If you don't like someone's movies, you stop paying for them.  If someone doesn't make money, they stop giving them money.  I think Uwe Boll needs to stop making video game movies.  If you watch them, it's obvious he has his own stories and ideas in mind, and that the pre-rendered worlds of gaming aren't for him.  He has, at very least, a creativity and passion that needs its own space to grow.  To say that he should never make another movie again for ever and ever no take-backs on a mass-public, commercially endorsed petition is childish and rude, if you ask me.

Still, I'd be the first one crying if they handed him the Mega Man license and told him to have fun.

[Architect of Awesome]

Let's go ahead and get one thing straight: I *hate* Uwe Boll.  HATE HIM.  The man may have the passion and love for video games *and* movies, but by God, he has no talent for making movies.  Passion is rarely a replacement for talent.  Imagine, if you will, me making a video game.  I have passion for video games, but no talent.  It would most likely turn out as a horrid mix of pong and street fighter, but less fluid and more crappy.

The petition issue, that's going to far.  Just because I don't like the man on the personal soap-box reasoning of "I don't like his work therefore I don't like him", doesn't mean that petitions need be signed and a man need lose his means of money making just because what he does sucks.  I'd rather let box office audiences decide for themselves, and they always do, it just so happens that they always show that a man can smear poop on a screen, and people will pay to see it.


PS- Bert Reynolds was in "In the Name of the King"!  Bert "I was in 'Smokey and the Banit'" Reynolds!  My God, the man enticed Bert Reynolds into that crap!
PSS- AND JASON STATHAM!  My world is crumbling around me, and there's nothing I can do about it!

[Brick Prior]

#2.  Join me as I lose my mind!

[Robfathah]

Uwe Boll missed his calling -- all that "passion" he exudes in those interviews about his shitty movies is False.  He made movies because they were god damn tax shelters, and now that German law has changed so he can't do that anymore, I'd wager we'll see a lot less raping of various franchises by this sorry piece of crap.

Sign the petition, people.  SIGN IT NINE TIMES.  You're doing the right thing.  You don't believe me?  Watch Alone in the Dark, which could've easily been at least a half-decent movie if anybody with a frigging working mind had cobbled it together, but no.

That said, Uwe Boll isn't alone in his guilt -- the assholes that repeatedly gave him the RIGHTS to these franchises should be ashamed of themselves as well.

And goddamn it, I think I just brought a dead post back from the grave.

[Brick Prior]

It's been a while.

#3.

Enjoy!

[Brick Prior]

#4... wait, #5?!  Hold on #6?!  JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

[Ethos]

I agree with you 100% I would have loved Blood Rayne, if this was how the movie was

I'll start by saying I only hold a grudge against Uwe Boll for Blood Rayne.  Not because it was a bad movie.  It was a bad movie.  I like bad movies.  I watch some stupid shit.  It's that he made the wrong bad movie.  Blood Rayne should have been a cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  Uwe Boll just made the wrong cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  I want Rayne to puff out her barely-clad chest, lop off a Nazi's head while doing a crotch-exposing flip, then say a corny one-liner in a sultry tone.  I want a flat (only in the literary sense) character who's only emotions are rage and sex, who's closest mortal human trait is that she grunts erotically when she gets hurt at key plot-points designed to build tension.  I want her to fight zombies for no reason.  I want her to solo a tank in the confines of a German castle, without asking how it got there.  And when she is standing, dripping with sweat, amidst a pile of bloodied corpses, when the glorious, totally unrealistic violence may just be desensitizing me to anything else that could possibly be thrown my way, THAT is when we put in the randomly unnecessary sex scene with the otherwise unimportant character who was not in the games.

Yes, I had hopes that Blood Rayne would be like countless other bad movies.  I had wanted it to only vaguely follow the small spattering of story the games had as a vehicle to poorly acted, low-budget sex and violence, and I was let down.  And I hated him for it.

But, in many other respects, I stand behind Uwe Boll.  First off, I have seen interviews with him as well as read/watched comments by people who have met him.  The man has a deep passion for making movies.  He absolutely loves what he does.  For the most part, his name has been attached to the word "suck" because the movies he has wanted to make have been attached to video game licenses without really supporting the plot and feel of what are essentially pre-manufactured stories in need of a special kind of care to please an audience who, like my rant above, already know what they want to see before they see it.  Add in that it's an audience of young, opinionated Internet users, and you have a recipe for disaster.

While I don't like his movies, mainly for those reasons, I refuse to buy into this petition hype.  I think it's pretentious and a downright shitty way to treat a human-being.  If you don't like someone's movies, you stop paying for them.  If someone doesn't make money, they stop giving them money.  I think Uwe Boll needs to stop making video game movies.  If you watch them, it's obvious he has his own stories and ideas in mind, and that the pre-rendered worlds of gaming aren't for him.  He has, at very least, a creativity and passion that needs its own space to grow.  To say that he should never make another movie again for ever and ever no take-backs on a mass-public, commercially endorsed petition is childish and rude, if you ask me.

Still, I'd be the first one crying if they handed him the Mega Man license and told him to have fun.

[Brick Prior]

A resurrection with a purpose!  Dick at ya!

[DrDetroit]

SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON

Because that would educate me, and laws only know I need some education.

I also think that there's some potential in an Actor-a-thon kind of deal, though anything you can pull off for 31 days is going to be pretty much an extensive filmography for most folks.  But, I think a Campbell-a-thon would be pretty much awesome, for example.

[Brick Prior]

SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON

Because that would educate me, and laws only know I need some education.

I also think that there's some potential in an Actor-a-thon kind of deal, though anything you can pull off for 31 days is going to be pretty much an extensive filmography for most folks.  But, I think a Campbell-a-thon would be pretty much awesome, for example.

SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON is looking like a lock, as I pretty much hinted at in BBB #7.  Campbell-a-thon (aka The Chin Chronicles) would be awesome too.  He and I have unfinished business... have I ever told that story?

[Axel Night]

A resurrection with a purpose!  Dick at ya!

Critics says what?

Sissy and Egbert: Brick Prior does it again!  With the grace of a Parkinson's stricken crack addict, Prior gives a backhand to logic and rational thought.

Mary KK: Won't somebody please think of the children?!

Four out of Five Dentists: We prefer Ithiyak.

Guy I Sawed on the Street: Spare a nug, dude?

[Brick Prior]

It's sad when my other, other alter-ego that doesn't speak English all that well gets more love than me.

AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE- YOU'VE NEVER WALKED, YOU'VE NEVER RUN.

You tell 'em, Stan Bush Portion Of My Brain.

YOU'VE GOT THE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUCH

Get out of here, 2000's Stan Bush Portion Of My Brain.

[Brick Prior]

And finally, I have an understanding with myself.  Somewhat.