In 2010, an aging, possibly damaged hard drive will attempt to ruin one man’s quest for complete and utter mental obliteration. Now, it is a race against time between man and machine, and the fate of of a few brain cells in the process.
THIS. IS. TRORROR.
This just HAD to happen now, didn’t it? Well gang, it’s like I always say- it’s better to burn out than to fade away!
I really, really, really like George Romero’s older movies. There’s a grit and an “ah, fuck it” style to them that I enjoy, and if NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and DAWN OF THE DEAD are two of his masterpieces, then THE CRAZIES is the middle child- it’s good, but it’s not great. This one takes place in a small town somewhere… hold on, let me look at my notes.
The hell with it- I’m running out of time and I can’t be assed with looking at notes! Hell, when have I ever been about notes! It’s all about “what the fuck did Brick Prior think he was watching when he wrote this?!”, so let’s GO GO GO GO GO GO!
THE CRAZIES ORIGINAL RECIPIE VERSION involves an outbreak of a virus named Trixie. It makes people go bathshit crazy- for example, the father who kills his wife and then burns his whole house down with his kids inside. As the virus spreads, it’s up to the town sheriff and a motley group of people to survive. It’s your usual early seventies horror fare- it’s a little disjointed at times with some fun sequences, but the overall package is pretty underwhelming.
BUT WAIT, THEY REMADE THIS MOVIE!
They did! I have it right here!
You’re gonna have to wait for my thoughts on it!
WHAT I LIKED
The opening of the film with the house being burned down. Nice little bit of terror there. There’s a scene with a bunch of soldiers checking houses, and one of them comes upon a sweet little old lady who is busy knitting. She then proceeds to stab a poor guy in the neck with a knitting needle and continue to knit while the dude’s busy bleeding out in the hallway. There’s also the fact that characters are aware of if they’ve caught the virus or not, so you get to see a few people slowly slip away. There’s a sense of awareness towards these characters’ impending doom that’s a bit refreshing. All they’re doing is trying to hold out as long as they can; there’s no sentiments of “Well, we’re sure gonna be okay once we get to the next town. Me and Luke can form up that four piece band we’ve been talking about, and Gina’s little brother can be the one tickling the ivories… just as soon as we outlast this batshit crazy virus!”
Not at all.
I also dug the appearances of some familiar faces from DAWN OF THE DEAD- Flyboy’s in the house!
WHAT I HATED
Actresses with that “breathy seventies voice”- you know, the kind of voice that will cause you to think “Woman, my FAMILY is here! You can’t be sounding like that! You say six words and peoples’ zippers start to magically move! Grandpa’s gonna start staring and then pawing and then we’re gonna have to go, and I don’t wanna go because they got the good biscuits this year ‘cuz they didn’t let Cindy cook!” Oh, and the scuttlebutt between the scientists and the military- at times it felt like the movie was trying to hard to present the fact that dealing with a contagion can be a tricky matter. We know that already- let’s get to the killing!
Oh, and there wasn’t enough killing, and when it happened it was all sad and stuff. BOOOOO.
LO LIEH WONDERS WHERE THE LADIES ARE AT BECAUSE THIS IS A CRAZY PARTY THAT NEEDS CHICKS
That means it was good, but not great. I said that at the beginning. Onward!
Brick Prior will not stop until November 1st. Wait, that’s a lie. Two readers are getting a Christmas present! SPOILER ALERT!