Posted on October 26th, 2009 in Brick Prior, MORROR, Movies by Brick Prior

PREVIOUSLY ON MORROR…

If you have a problem, yo- Brick’ll solve it! We hope you checked out “The Zombie Diaries” before Ymir revolves it…

MORROR, MORROR baby…

Too cold… too cold…

Funny story that I realized recently!

No one gives a shit about funny stories that might involve a fictional narrative detailing a new place of residence for myself, you say- what’s the movie?

TODAY’S MOVIE: DOG SOLDIERS

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a group of highly trained soldiers partaking of a War Games exercise get attacked by a pack of werewolves, and they must band together and survive the night.

Yep, that’s all the setup necessary for Dog Soldiers, and it is wonderful. 

The thing that works the most for Dog Soldiers is that it’s pretty damn efficient in its setup and execution- we’re introduced to the soldiers, we’re introduced to the werewolves, and then the whole thing becomes one tense, gore-filled race for survival.  Toss in the fact that some of the gang are slowly turning into werewolves themselves, and oh yeah, things are going CRAZY GO NUTS. 

Toss in a random woman with a secret, a dog that likes to yank bandages off of severely gutted soldiers, and a half-pint of a man that goes fucking shithouse on a werewolf with a kitchen knife, and you have one of the few classic werewolf movies to come out in quite some time.

Seriously- the one thing I thought about while watching Dog Soldiers is how rare it is to get a good werewolf movie.  For every Dog Soldiers, there’s some horseshit out there like Full Eclipse (a Mario Van Peebles & Patsy Kensit joint) or Skinwalkers (OH NO THE DUDE FROM ROSWELL IS EVIL) stinking up screens across the nation.  When you think about it, is it really that hard to get werewolves wrong?

Don’t answer that, Underworld fans. 

While the film doesn’t have a standout transformation sequence, the little glimpses we get of various changes are pretty awesome.  Not to mention the fact that there’s a big TWIST~! that completely bollocks things up for the soldiers, and we’re left with loads of explosions, gut munching, blatant cranium tossing, and completely and utter destruction.

Horror movies are awesome… and now it’s time for a spoiler alert, so here we go.

Remember how I mentioned the “random woman with a secret”?  The secret is so out of left field that I was actually shocked by it, and uh… now I needs to share!

So, everything’s breaking down at the farmhouse where our heroes are holed up, and this woman starts apologizing because… wait for it…

SHE SET EVERYONE UP!

SHE’S A WEREWOLF AND HAS BEEN FOR QUITE SOME TIME!

OUR HEROES HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT AT THE WEREWOLVES’ LAIR ALL THIS TIME!

CUE CHANGE AND CUE PRE-EMPTIVE BULLET TO THE HEAD!

Then, of course, more stuff blows up… and one character gets the line of the century when, faced with his impending doom, he says the only thing that he could possibly say:

“…I hope I give you the shits.”

Like I said, horror movies are awesome… but you know what’s been missing from this month?

ZOMBIES. 

Specifically, ZOMBIES ON MY TV.

END OF DAY SIXTEEN!