PREVIOUSLY ON MORROR…
The News filled us in on current events, as Slither was discussed in a hypothetical fashion… but what of Brick Prior?
BRICK SAYS: …those horses…
RICK PRIOR SAYS: WAKE UP, YOU FUCKER!
BRICK SAYS: Huh?! What?! How long was I out?! What day is it?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, you’re talking to the guy that saved your life AND your evil twin. Pump your brakes, for the love of… uh, something.
BRICK SAYS: Saved my life?! You drugged me! And why are we in your El Camino?! It smells like cheese and ice cream in here-
RICK PRIOR SAYS: The Rouke borrowed it! That’s why it smells like cheese and ice cream- he’s got a thing: delicious cheeses to nosh on-
BRICK SAYS: …’nosh’?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: SHUT UP, GROWN TWIN FOLKS ARE SPEAKING! Anyway, The Rourke likes delicious cheeses to nosh on, and the ice cream? Well, the ice cream is gonna be for the ladies.
BRICK SAYS: …I had a dream I shit my pants.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: You shit in a barrel when you were tripping balls.
BRICK SAYS: …not in my pants?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Nope.
BRICK SAYS: Good. So, why are we in your car again?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: The, uh… house got destroyed.
BRICK SAYS: WHAT?!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Tank.
BRICK SAYS: What about Ithiyak?!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: At Ymir’s. We’re in the car because I hate that club-footed asshole.
BRICK SAYS: Let’s get up there before something else happens. Goddamnit, why does all the weird shit happen in October?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: You bring it on yourself… and you’re an fucking idiot.
BRICK SAYS: …I remember my first beer.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: What?
BRICK SAYS: Goddamnit, just come on.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: No doorbell or knocker.
BRICK SAYS: I know. Don’t tell anyone what I’m about to do.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Huh? Hey, why are you banging on the door like that?!
BRICK SAYS: ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY EVERYTHING HAS COME TO LIGHT IN A PLACE SOMETHING SOMETHING DREAM-
RICK PRIOR SAYS: …door’s opening, dude.
BRICK SAYS: …good, because I can’t stand that fucking song. Hey Ymir.
YMIR SAYS: Greetings. Short demon friend tell me about troubles. Come sit on couch. Beer.
BRICK SAYS: Yes. Don’t put anything in it, though. I’ve been having trouble with that.
YMIR SAYS: Ithiyak say you ‘trip balls’. They hang that low?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Bah, ladies would never call him Stretch Nuts-
YMIR SAYS: I will hear no words from infidel brother. You are traitorous bastard and I hope you die like Limbaugh pig.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Yeah well, your mother says hi. From my… dick?
YMIR SAYS: Mother is dead. You raise dead?
RICK PRIOR SAYS: That, I don’t- scratch that… let’s just sit on the fucking couch. Amateurs.
YMIR SAYS: We sit on couch and watch movie. I get good Pakistan horror film in from Large Woman Shipping Place.
BRICK SAYS: Amazon.
YMIR SAYS: Yes, her.
TODAY’S STOP: HELL’S GROUND
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Oh hell the fuck no- languages are jumping back and forth, man! It’s like my ears are drunk and hallucinating!
YMIR SAYS: It grow on you. Becomes like music.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: If that’s so, then they aren’t speaking in keyboards or bass guitars, so fuck it- that ain’t music to me. Buncha stupid kids going out to a stupid romp in the woods anyway.
BRICK SAYS: I need to drink this faster. You didn’t put anything in it, did you?
YMIR SAYS: Is not Corona, so no. Enjoy.
BRICK SAYS: So, what do we got here? A bunch of kids in a souped up Mystery Machine going out into the woods… and the goddamned radio just said that there was some sort of plague going around in the country. This isn’t gonna end well.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Which radio- the one in the movie or the one in this shithole?
YMIR SAYS: Apartment completely digital, so no analog radio here. Is movie.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: So, what the fuck, man! There’s a PLAGUE! Stay in the goddamned house! Get a gun! Shoot at random! Get a gun and kill them all!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Goddamnit, I hate poetry! Or free verse! Or happy pictures in horror movies!
BRICK SAYS: Here’s your zombies!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: I bet these bitches wish they weren’t Kurt Cobain and had a gun!
BRICK SAYS: He… did have a gun.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: But he swore he didn’t in that song!
YMIR SAYS: …he take creative license. Movie get better.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Lemme get this shit straight: Fisher Stevens from Short Circuit made a cameo in this film?
BRICK SAYS: That ain’t Fisher Stevens.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: He’s got the hair and the wild, manic look- you sure that ain’t Fisher Stevens?
BRICK SAYS: …yep.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Oh. What the fuck are these people doing picking up hitchhikers when there are a bunch of fucking zombies around anyway? Man, this just keeps going from “what the fuck?!” to “what the goddamn fuck?!”
RICK PRIOR SAYS: WHAT THE FUCK?!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: WHAT THE GODDAMNED FUCK?!
BRICK SAYS: …okay, that’s awesome.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Okay, okay, okay… so, first they gotta deal with zombies. Then, it’s some weird Persian hitchhiker dude all Texas Chainsaw Massacre style… and finally, you gotta deal with some dude carrying a spiked ball and chain and wearing a motherfucking burka?!
YMIR SAYS: …men not wear burkas.
RICK PRIOR SAYS: …IT’S A GODDAMN WOMAN?! Oh Mary Saint Delight, I will not be getting married any time soon.
BRICK SAYS: No kidding. So, uh… what now?
YMIR SAYS: She finish it.
BRICK SAYS: Well, that was a quick movie-
RICK PRIOR SAYS: Ha! She forgot about the zombie factor!
BRICK SAYS: Random, creepy killers with spiked balls and chains will do that.
YMIR SAYS: Good, quality film. Now, is interesting part.
BRICK SAYS: …meaning?
ITHIYAK SAYS: MASTER, WE GET YOU NEW PLACE!
BRICK SAYS: How?
ITHIYAK SAYS: Naku’anada! You see soon! We take trip!
RICK PRIOR SAYS: …man, fuck October right in its shithole.
END OF DAY SEVEN!