Posted on October 6th, 2009 in Brick Prior, MORROR, Movies by Brick Prior

PREVIOUSLY ON MORROR…

Chaos!  Rick Prior has drugged his brother Brick and taken over during a botched viewing of “Club Dread”!  Would could possibly happen next?!

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  What in the blue hell am I going to watch?!

TODAY’S STOP: IDLE HANDS

 

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  The late nineties were awesome.  Jessica Alba was hot before she became “famous”, and something something other something.  I mean, seriously- who knows what the fuck “Dark Angel” was about besides someone being all butthurt about there not being a “Faith the Vampire Slayer” series?!

Seriously?!

People don’t think I watch TV, but I do- I am a TV aficionado! The original 90210 was awesome if only for Jennie Garth- now THAT’S a piece right there!

YOU SAY:  “…where’s Brick Prior?”

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  He’s so goddamned stoned right now that he doesn’t know up from down and shit from shinola, dig?  You guys want horror, then we got horror- aka THIS GODDAMNED MOVIE.

YOU SAY:  “…that whole thing with the hand is like that one movie with Bruce Campbell, right?”

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  You’re goddamned right it is!  This is the deal with “Idle Hands”- some stoner is too fucking worthless to amount to anything, so his hand goes nuts and starts killing people, including his parents, some cops, and Seth Green.  But!  Seth Green comes back as a zombie, and he and his friend sit there and try to guide the fucking loser on his way- this involves him hooking up with Jessica Alba and cutting off his possessed hand in the process.  Then they all crash the big Halloween dance, and the day is saved thanks to some unexpected mojo provided by Vivica A. Fox, who plays some odd demon hunter chick broad thing.

She should have had her own TV show after this movie.  Probably would have been a metric fuckton better than that “Dark Angel” garbage.

YOU SAY:  “Sounds freaky.”

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  Nah, not really.  This shit is funny, not scary.  The most awesome part is when Dexter Holland from The Offspring gets his scalp ripped off.  Talk about unexpected.

But!

The movie is awesome for two reasons: a burrito consumed in a horribly wrong fashion and one of the stupidest kills I’ve ever seen.

First up, the burrito- so, Anton (the stoner with the possessed hand) and his buddies are pretty much what my brother would describe as “low-rent, shiftless assholes”.  These dudes are so goddamned out of touch with everything that when confronted with the lack of milk and dog food, Anton shouts at his (dead and hidden) mom that they’re out of milk and dog food.

GO TO THE STORE AND GET IT YOURSELF, ASSHOLE.

Anyway, the burrito- freshly decapitated and hungry as all hell, Pnub (the friend that is not Seth Green) decides to make a burrito.  Unfortunate, due to the gaping bisected maw that is his neck, whatever homeboy chews gets spit out his new neckhole.

So!

A little duct tape is added and presto!  The burrito can be consumed properly.

…shiftless assholes.

YOU SAY: “Yeah.  Indeed.”

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  So, dig it- the finale of is at the school, where even the zombies can hook up because Pnub is getting some.  It’s fucking disgusting.  So, The Hand shows up, kills Dexter Holland, and everything’s gone completely batshit, with our heroes trying not to get killed… so they crawl through a goddamned air duct near a giant fucking fan.

Pnub’s hooo-er is dressed in a devil’s costume, so it’s quite hilarious when the Hand takes her whip and gets her tangled neck first in said giant fucking fan.

But, seriously… WHY GO NEAR THE GIANT FUCKING FAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

Shiftless.  Assholes.

YOU SAY:  “So, what now?”

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  Well, it’s like this, Day 6 is coming up, chumpstain is still high and cackling under the steps, and I can do whatever I want… so, I think we’re gonna watch-

 

tank

 

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  …TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!

 

END OF DAY FIVE!