PREVIOUSLY ON MORROR…

We started in on our marathon, where Brick looked at four different movies (Demons, Demons 2, The Church, and The Ogre) before a helicopter crashed on his lawn, bringing him four uninvited, zombie-killing guests…

SAYS:  What’s with this movie watching shit?  Do they have a degree for that?

 

BRICK SAYS:  I don’t know if they do.

 

  SAYS:  Hey, pilot killing broad?

   SAYS:  HE. WAS.  A. ZOMBIE.  And what do you want?!

  SAYS:  Do they have college degrees for watching movies?

  SAYS:  I don’t know, I skipped Film Theory.

 

 

 

  SAYS:  I loved that class.  One time they showed “The Killer”- John Woo is the man!

  SAYS:  I hate John Woo- all those doves and shit give me a headache.  Give me Sam Peckinpah any day- now that was a man that could shoot the shit out of a movie!

SAYS:  Could we just cut the shit and get down to whatever it is this guy is doing here?

 

BRICK SAYS:  …well, uh… I’m watching horror movies.  All month.

 

SAYS:  You… don’t have a life, do you?

 

BRICK SAYS:  …when’s the last time you washed that track jacket?  I didn’t know ‘shit’ was a fabric.

 

SAYS:  It’s zombie shit, and- hey!  I will shoot you in the face!

SAYS:  He must be a pilot.

SAYS:  SHUT UP!

 

ITHIYAK SAYS:  Master!  Master!  Stop fighting with odd people! New movie is ready!

BRICK SAYS:  Sweet.  Okay everyone, sit down… it’s time for a film.

 

SAYS:  I hate films.

 SAYS:  You hate everything.  Let’s get on with it.  It’s a long way to go until Riverside.

 

BRICK SAYS:  …where the fuck are you people from?

 

     ALL SAY:  HOBOKEN!

 

BRICK SAYS:  …

SAYS:  Now THAT’S fuckin’ teamwork!

 

TODAY’S STOP:

 

 

  SAYS:  Now that’s pretty foreboding.

SAYS:  This is about people, isn’t it?

SAYS:  If there’s any cannibalism in this, I’m kicking everyone’s ass.  Gotta stay away from that long pork.  It’ll scar you for life.

SAYS:  …did you just admit that you were gay?  Long pork?  What the fuck is that?

SAYS:  It’s eating human flesh, you idiot.

SAYS:  …I hate long pork.

 

 

 

SAYS:  …that can’t be for horses.

  SAYS: It says ‘equine’ on the fucking side of the bag- how can it not be for horses?!

SAYS:  Why would you buy only two bags of horse food for a stable of horses?

SAYS:  …maybe he’s only got two horses?

SAYS:  …you’re an idiot.

 

 

 

SAYS:  Hmmm.  Never trust a man that makes his phonecalls when the sun’s going down.

  SAYS:  Why’s that?

SAYS:  He’s either calling for a hooker or calling in a hit.

SAYS:  …or he could be calling about food for his GODDAMN horses like it said on the side of the bag!

 

BRICK SAYS:  Dude, what’s up with you and horses?

 

SAYS:  I… actually used to like horses. 

SAYS:  I call bullshit!

SAYS:  Well, I hate them now!  Does that make you feel any better?  I.  HATE.  HORSES.

  SAYS:  I hate them too.  Especially after a video I saw involving a chick and a horse.

 

BRICK SAYS:  …

 

  SAYS:  …people attach odd shit to their email sometimes.

 

 

 

SAYS:  Nothing says love like trying to get your sister laid.

  SAYS:  …saw a video like that too.

 

BRICK SAYS:  …WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

 

  SAYS:  …what do you mean, ‘you people’?

 

BRICK SAYS:  …this is the last time a helicopter crashes on my lawn, I swear to God.

 

SAYS:  Ya know, we were doing just fine until the pilot got shot-

SAYS:  I HOPE A TANK RAPES YOU IN THE EAR!  I kill one particular zombie- just one out of thousands, big ol’ zombie genocidist in training right over here, and I keep getting shit for it-

 

BRICK SAYS:  …please put the gun down.

 

  SAYS:  …sorry.  I, um… do you have any weed?

 

BRICK SAYS: …no.

 

  SAYS:  Sorry, it just… calms me down.

  SAYS:  I got some pills for that…

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  Hrm.  I knew it was trafficking or something.  Probably trying to sell kids on the internet like those perverts you see on that Dateline show.

  SAYS:  Do you even watch TV?

SAYS:  Not since the zombie apocalypse.

 

BRICK SAYS:  …I must have missed something, there’s a zombie apocalypse?

ITHIYAK SAYS:  You board up window last week after drinking brown liquor!

BRICK SAYS:  …oh yeah.  That.  I thought it was the aftermath of one of my night terrors.

 

  SAYS:  …I got pills for that too!

 

 

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  It’s not a horror movie without a mask.

 SAYS:  What’s up with this music?  Makes me think I’m watching Glory.  This ain’t Glory.

 

BRICK SAYS:  Matthew Broderick isn’t saying the n-word for starters.

 

SAYS:  I hate that word.

  SAYS:  With those chaps you wear, I didn’t think that was a cause you’d champion.

SAYS:  Take that tie and hang yourself.

 

BRICK SAYS:  …

 

SAYS:  It’s okay.  It’s part of his charm.

 

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  Well, that was quick.

 

SAYS:  That’s how you gotta take people out sometimes.

SAYS:  Wait until they get really wasted, break into their homes, strangle them, and shoot them with darts?

SAYS:  Yeah, but not to that extreme. 

SAYS:  …uh huh.

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  Okay, that’s fucked up.

 SAYS:  I have NOT seen any movies like this.  Ever.  In my life.

SAYS:  This isn’t going to end well.

 

 

 

SAYS:  …aaaaand there goes his tongue.

SAYS:  Yuck.

 

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  …what did I miss?

 

SAYS:  Did you just fall asleep?

 

BRICK SAYS:  Yeah, I um… sometimes, the screams lull me to sleep.  Last night I watched some shitty flick called The Ogre, and I fell asleep three times.  It was INSANE.

 

SAYS:  You’ve got problems.

  SAYS:  I most definitely have pills for that!

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  He’s either constipated or ready to kick Captain Crunch’s ass.

 

SAYS:  Oh, this old dude’s gonna get him for sure.  He just ripped out that kid’s tongue!  What do you think he’s gonna do to Scott Stapp post rehab?

SAYS:  Ouch.

 

 

 

     ALL SAY:  WITCH!!!

 

BRICK SAYS:  Holy shit, put your guns down!

 

 

     ALL SAY:  WITCH!!!

 

BRICK SAYS: Do not shoot my TV!  If you shoot my TV, then I can’t finish this marathon and the children and the fans will be sad-

 

SAYS:  False alarm.

 

BRICK SAYS:  Whew.

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  Told ya they’d get him.

SAYS:  Now that’s torture.

SAYS:  Yeah.  I bet the big dude smells like B.O. and cheese.

SAYS:  What?

SAYS:  A little pain is nothing, but dealing with someone that reeks?  Absolutely terrible, man.

SAYS:  You’re weird.

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  See?  Human trafficking.

SAYS:  Maybe they’re gonna ship her off to some place where she gets eaten.

  SAYS:  There’s a video that-

SAYS:  For your sake, don’t complete that sentence.

SAYS:  Who the hell’s gonna save these people?

 

 

SAYS:  Oho.  This isn’t gonna end well.

 

BRICK SAYS:  Where the hell is this little girl’s parents?

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  I am sorry I asked.

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  Got ya, you son of a bitch!

  SAYS:  Grab the keys and get the hell out of there, man!

SAYS:  Did you fall asleep again?!

 

BRICK SAYS:  Yeah.  There was screaming.

 

SAYS:  You are so odd.

 

BRICK SAYS:  It’s a living!

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  So, they got a truck.  How convenient.

  SAYS:  That little shanty town they pulled up to is even more convenient.

SAYS:  That’s not a shanty town, that’s a death trap.

 

 

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  YOU DON’T SPLIT UP IN DEATH TRAPS POSING AS SHANTY TOWNS!

 

SAYS:  Uh oh, somebody woke up!

 

BRICK SAYS:  BRING ON THE DEATH!

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  BOOM!  CROWBAR TO THE BACK!  SHE DEAD!

 

SAYS:  Well, I’m frightened.  Anyone else?

SAYS:  …this is getting good.

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  They’ve had that poor girl stashed at this place all this time.

SAYS:  She’s about to get used as bait.

 

 

 

SAYS:  See?!  See?!  I totally called it!

  SAYS:  That old dude’s gotta get some revenge now!

SAYS:  …

 SAYS:  No offense.

SAYS:  None taken.

 

 

BRICK SAYS:  They’re going to call him ‘Stubby’ for the rest of his days.

 

SAYS:  GET THE SAW, MAN!

 

 

 

 

SAYS:  Now that’s pretty damn hardcore.  If only we had a chainsaw…

 

BRICK SAYS:  …sequel.

 

SAYS:  What?

 

BRICK SAYS:  …nothing.

 

 SAYS:  Well, I guess everything’s okay now-

 

 

     ALL SAY: CROWNED!

 

BRICK SAYS:  Now, that was harsh.

 

SAYS:  Everyone just fucking died- who pulled all this off?

 

 

 

     ALL SAY:  WITCH!!!

 

BRICK SAYS:  HOLY SHIT!  YOU GUYS JUST SHOT MY TV!

 

  SAYS:  I got pills here in case you’re distraught about it-

 

BRICK SAYS:  GET.  OUT.

 

SAYS: If you see any other survivors, tell them we’re trying to meet up with the Army.

 

BRICK SAYS:  I will tell them to fuck the fuck off.  Bye.

 

SAYS:  On foot again?  Son of a bitch.  I hate walking.

SAYS:  And here we go again.

 

BRICK SAYS:  And they’re gone, which means that now… I need a new TV.

ITHIYAK SAYS:  Master!  Sale at Best Buy tomorrow!

BRICK SAYS:  Do you have any money?

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  Of course he doesn’t, but I do, chumpstain!

BRICK SAYS:  Oh hell no.

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  That’s right, bitch.  You’re gonna owe me big.

BRICK SAYS:  I’m not washing your El Camino.

RICK PRIOR SAYS:  Nuh uh, dumpster baby.  We’re watching what I want to watch tomorrow.

BRICK SAYS:  …shit.

 

END OF DAY TWO!