Posted on July 23rd, 2009 in Brick Prior, Movies, SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON by Brick Prior

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a lot of spaghetti sauce.  Not from me, from the movie.  Like I’d tell you about my secret powers of Ragu secretion… there’s a sect built around just that in the far off lands of Hathat-placedu’nnaexist, you know…

THE TRAILER

 

THE OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS

 

“The classic martial arts team of David Chiang (The Wandering Swordsman) and Ti Lung (Deadly Breaking Sword) tears up the screen in this fast-paced, imaginative take on the popular American Western genre, Shaw Brothers style! Enlisted with transporting a shipment of silver, young master fighters (who are engaged to be married), Ti Lung and Li Ching, encounter a suspicious, downtrodden swordsman (Chiang) who asks to accompany them. Believing him to be a member of the feared Flying Tiger Manor gang, they prepare to fight for their cargo but soon realize a very different plot might be in store for them all. Crammed with relentless fights and startling plot twists, this audience favorite is pure enjoyment all the way to its rousing, surprising climax!”

THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT HAPPENED SINCE I HAD TO WATCH ACTION AND READ SUBTITLES AT THE SAME TIME, HAR HAR HAR

…rump.

Fooled you!  There is no rump here, I just wanted to make sure that you were paying attention!  If you read “rump” and immediately thought “buttcheeks”, then congratulations- your brain works sixty percent of the time all the time, much like Sex Panther cologne.

Coming up on two years and took me that long to make an “Anchorman” reference… besides the one I made sometime during “A Horror A Day 2008”, that is.  Oh well, one can strive for something and then lie to themselves in order to succeed, right?

Right?!

Good answer.

What’s in store with this one? Well, here’s a quick note- David Chiang wears the a variation of the same outfit in every movie, save for his blink-and-Brick-missed-it cameo in “Heaven and Hell” earlier this month.  This is number three in the blatant “Ti Lung and David Chiang kill lots of people” series, but this is the first movie that they ever teamed up for in dual starring roles. 

Interesting, ain’t it?

STOP GABBERING AND PRESS PLAY, you say.

Fine.

“Play.”

This film is a love story between two fighters that gets horribly interrupted when David Chiang, aka Master Lo, tries to join what’s best described as a “security detail”. No one trusts Lo because he has nothing of material value- the only thing that matters to him is his horse.  No matter what, the dude just cannot catch a break- he tries to stay at a tower full of bandits, and ends up sleeping outside.  He leaves the tower in the morning only to run into Master Siang (Ti Lung) and Madam Yun, and while the latter trusts him, the former hates his guts due to a slight case of prejudice and jealousy.  Siang’s going to get married to Yun after the fall, so he’s instantly protective of her- this comes to light during a meal that Lo’s practically forced to eat at, which is hijacked by one of the members of the Flying Tiger Clan, who are out for the big shipment that Siang and Yun are helping to transport.  Time and time again, Master Lo proves that he’s not after the shipment of silver, and time and time again Siang rebuffs him- it all comes a head when the shipment is attacked, and Lo has to go into the massive tower to save Master Siang’s life.  Ragu is spilled, Master Lo is ARROWED~! profusely, and in the end?

He finds a cause worth fighting for.

It ends so sadly that even Master Lo’s horse cries.  Big Al might say that dogs can’t look up, but Brick Prior is here to tell you that horses cry.

WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FILM

I have never seen a main character more stubborn than Ti Lung’s Master Siang, which says a lot.  Case in point, even after hearing Master Lo’s outright denial to the head of the Flying Tiger Clan that he isn’t after the shipment of silver, he still gives the man the cold shoulder, only to finally warm up to him after Master Lo has been stabbed and run through and arrowed a couple dozen times.  This turns the last act into an interesting character study of sorts as to how long both headstrong heroes can hold onto their core principles before one of them is changed by the other- for Master Lo, he changes due to Madam Yun’s belief that he is just an honest man, while for Master Siang, he changes when he realizes that he’s lost a would be friend.  Haunting stuff when you think about it.

Here are some pictures.

 

IF YOU WAKE ME UP, I WILL STAB YOU

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OH LAWS, YOU LIKE CHICKEN TOO????

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YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP THAT SAUCE ON THE INSIDE, BUDDY

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EVEN THE HORSES CRY AT ALL THE DEATH

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TOMORROW

I need to get back to my roots, and by that I do not mean playing basketball or selling drugs, nor will I become a rapper and “do it big”.  Nope, it’s time for me to watch a horror movie!  A MORROR reject shambles its way into SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON in a crossover of MASSIVE OVER THE COUNTER DRUG ADDLED PROPORTIONS!  Buddhism, the Kumite, and gratuitous chicken gizzard eating collide in “The Boxer’s Omen”!  Who we gonna call? I don’t know, I don’t have a phone!