Posted on July 10th, 2009 in Brick Prior, Movies, SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON by Brick Prior

Remember River City Ransom for the NES?  This movie is nothing like that.  I just thought you should know.

THE OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS

“King Boxer follows the quest of a gifted young martial arts student as he struggles to win the All-China tournament despite ruthless acts of sabotage by his rivals. King Boxer’s stateside theatrical success has earned it the reputation as the first truly international kung fu classic and a paradigm for countless imitators.”

THE TRAILER

 

 

THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT HAPPENED SINCE I HAD TO READ SUBTITLES AND WATCH ACTION AT THE SAME TIME, HAR HAR HAR

It’s another short one today, folks- I have to conserve my energy.

Let’s do this!

If you’re old and run a kung fu school, don’t go walking down dark streets in the middle of the night because you will get jumped!  This is exactly what happens in the beginning of the film, and we’re pretty much in for a treat afterwards, as King Boxer is full of action, double crosses, and glowing red hands. 

The breakdown is this:

Master Sung, not wanting to hold his star pupil back, sends him to Master Suen in order to continue his training.  The student, Chao, doesn’t really fit in and isn’t used to the new training techniques until a couple of thugs start busting shit up, so he promptly hands them their asses.  This sparks a big war among two martial arts schools, as Chao is constantly ambushed and beaten in order to keep him out of the big martial arts tournament.  It gets so bad that the jackasses (led by Master Meng, aka the EVIL DUDE) even break Chao’s hands, and he’ll never be able to fight again.  The shenanigans continue as Chao has to retrain himself to regain his martial arts prowess, but Master Sung is murdered outside his home right before the tournament is about to begin.  One poor student gets his eyes ripped out by the rival master, and it seems as if all hope is lost… but, oh my god, there’s a swerve by one of the bad guys!  He helps Chao out!  Chao makes it to the tournament and unleashes the Iron Palm, whooping all those sons of bitches’ candy asses! HE IS THE CHAMPION!

HOORAY!

HOORAY!

WHAT A FEEL GOOD ENDING BESIDES ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE!

SIKE!

Master Suen is murdered by the EVIL DUDE after Chao wins.  The EVIL DUDE thinks he has everything wrapped up, but wait!  The blind student has returned, and he attempts to fight the EVIL DUDE in the dark!  Easy win for the blind guy, right?  NO!  He gets killed!  All hope is lost- oh wait, Chao just caved some dude’s face in with his Iron Palm!  THE CHAMP IS HERE!  He beats the shit out of one guy so badly that he spurts red mist from his mouth.  Time for the EVIL DUDE to die, right?

Narp!

He kills himself.

Huh.  So much for reven- WAIT, THERE’S STILL AN ASSASSIN AROUND!

Chao and the assassin face off, and it’s quite the back and forth battle, until Chao unleashes the Iron Palm and punches the guy so hard that he practically shatters a wall with his spine several times before dying.

That’s the actual end, and I suddenly want to run around and punch people in the face tomorrow.

Movies can be an awesome motivational tool.

WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MOVIE

Did you know that this is the first martial arts movie screened in the US?  That’s right, before we got kicked in the face by Bruce Lee, Lo Lieh and the musical stinger from “Ironside” invaded America first under the title of “Five Fingers of Death”.  It’s quite fitting that this film is a cult classic- not everyone praises it, not everyone knows about it, but for those that do… well, they know that it’s not a film to be trifled with.  The build up to the “Chao beats the shit out of EVERYONE” revenge sequence is done quite well- the movie never exactly feels like it’s headed towards a revenge motif until all the pieces are in place and all that’s left to do next is have Chao beat the shit out of everyone.  It also helps that Lo Lieh is a complete badass; oddly enough, this is one of his few heroic roles as he’s usually playing the villain in Shaw Bros. productions, but here he makes for quite the hero.  He’s not untouchable, he gets the crap kicked out of him a lot, but when he unleashes the fury… sweet jibbity Jesus Christmas, you better look out ‘cuz he’s going to wreck your face.  Shit, even if he misses a punch, the wind behind his fist will hit you and you will DIE.

Good times.

And now, some pictures.

THIS ONE’S FOR YOU, MANTIS:  IT’S BOLO!

vlcsnap-2009-07-11-00h09m44s136

A CHINESE BOBBY RHODES

vlcsnap-2009-07-11-00h10m52s51

IF YOU SEE THESE EYES, RUN

vlcsnap-2009-07-11-00h12m24s205

RED HANDS = DEATH

vlcsnap-2009-07-11-00h14m57s200

TOMORROW

I’ve mentioned the Venoms a couple of time, so tomorrow?  The Five Venoms.  BRAZOS!