Naturally, it would take the director of the Evil Dead series (he being Sam Raimi) doing a horror movie again to get me to willingly go back to the movie theater… and this time?  I SAT WITH ONE OF “THEM”.

My apologies to whoever was sitting next to us… actually, no. 

Sorry lady.

I had a BLAST.

 

THE TRAILER

 

 

CRAZY SANITIES, THOUGHTS ON A MOVIE STYLE

NOTE: I am going to spoil the shit out of this movie.

To be honest, I was scared to see this movie thanks to a little film known as “Evil Dead 2”.  I’ve already told the story about dubbing said film from Blockbuster on VHS back in the day, so needless to say,I consider it a very important film as far as me developing my cinematic like and dislikes and whatnot.  Yes, I do like chainsaws and shotguns, but that’s besides the point.  Long story short- there is a style and a tone in Evil Dead 2 that I was afraid Sam Raimi wouldn’t be able to hit with “Drag Me To Hell”, and not only did he hit it, but but he pretty much redefined it for the modern era.  There’s a lot of little touches in the movie that are amazing- there’s not a focus on blood in this one, but of other fluids that are just as unsettling (HINT:  This is a film that remembers that corpses get embalmed, and don’t just lay there all dry and whatnot), and the sound production is spot on- this is literally (LITERALLY?!) the loudest film I have seen in quite some time, and that’s part of the joy of it.  There are no cheap ass jump scares- this film is deliberate in every single choice it makes.  Sounds and music and build and build, and you’re expecting the cat to jump out of the cabinet or the boyfriend to put his hand on the heroine’s shoulder at just the right time, but it never goes down like that.  Very refreshing stuff.  There’s a marriage of practical and CGI effects that completely sell the film- while it’s not the grue of KNB’s previous works, it’s still some fun, engaging effects work that enhances the overall product.

What really gets me, though, is the story- it’s very simple: a loan officer gets cursed by an old gypsy, and has three days before she’s dragged to hell.  Needless to say, it’s all in the title, and the payoff is amazing due to the bits of characterization that peek through- our heroine Christine (played by Alison Lohman) is, to put it mildly, on a constant journey of self-realization and self-acceptance.  Unfortunately, we catch her on one of her bad days- faced with a possible promotion, she denies an old gypsy a third mortgage extension, and after a brutal fight in a parking lot…

 

 

…is summarily sentenced to go to Hell.  (NOTE:  there is more to that fight, btw- you missed the gumming action.)  Anyway, Christine’s got three days to try and get out of this pickle, which involve kitten sacrificing (as said on the podcast, people didn’t like it at that part), fucked up séances (chanting something to the effect of “I invite the dead to take my soul” is never a good thing, I don’t care who you are), and the greatest fight in a cemetery seen this decade.  Seriously- for all you Army of Darkness fans, “Drag Me To Hell” puts Christine through just as much shit as Ash ever got- and even though Ash lost a hand in his battle with the Deadites, Christine loses something much worse.

It’s in the title, after all.

 

RUMINATIONS

I keep bringing things back to “Evil Dead” because, for all intents and purposes, this feels like the same world that the “Evil Dead” series played in- normal people finding themselves up against otherworldly forces and getting brutally fucked up in the process.  While the earlier “Evil Dead” movies kinda spread around the torment with the ancillary victims, in this particular film all of it is heaped onto Christine- she’s the only one going through this stuff, and it almost feels like she’s stuck in her own personal “Groundhog Day” with the repeating shit that happens to her- if she can’t get out of the rut that has become her life, then what’s going to happen to her when she gets taken to Hell? 

That’s on the poster, by the way.

I also found that there was a huge “Deadite” moment during a big séance scene, complete with dancing and cackling, both on screen and me in my chair.  Seriously- it was that awesome.  Plus there was a talking goat.

I, uh… I need to go see this movie again.

 

AND THE PROPS GO TO…

While this is clearly Sam Raimi’s show, Alison Lohman pretty much destroys the concept of “post-modern horror heroine” with this movie and makes the viewer say, “Okay, yeah- sometimes, these folks are just beyond saving no matter what they do”.  She’s not the fabled Final Girl- she ends up becoming the example of What Not To Do in a big screen “EC Comics” tale.  For every “good” decision she makes, she screws up that much more, and even when it looks like she’s got the upperhand, she’s literally (there we go again!  LITERALLY?!) bitchslapped by the Powers That Be to get her head right.  And of course, when she thinks she’s won, what does she do?  SHE BUYS A NEW COAT.

Sad.

In this odd age of widely-released horror films with cookie cutter heroines, Alison Lohman is a breath of fresh air- she is, for all intents and purposes, playing a female version of Ash from Evil Dead, and will probably make you hope that Raimi’s current “Evil Dead IV” statements come to pass post Spider-Man.  Hell (no pun intended), the inevitable non-written studio produced/non-Raimi sequel to this movie all but screams that Justin Long (as Christine’s boyfriend Clay, with none of Long’s recent snark in his various roles) knocks on the door of a certain fifty year old Ashley J. Williams wondering how to go to Hell to get back his girlfriend- summarily, after some waffling, Ash is killed right before the final reel (he gets blown up on his own dynamite somehow- maybe he trips in a bad effort at Stooges-styled-hilarity), and Clay frees his girlfriend from Hell only to find out that she’s been possessed by Deadites, oh my god there’s a twist ending, and if ANY of that happens, I am coming after one of you.

Sorry, got off on a rant there.

What was I, saying?

The props, as they were, go to EVERYONE involved with this film.  It did what it needed to do, and cut all the extraneous bullshit out- classic scares, classic score, classic Raimi.  I can’t expound on it, and if I did, then you’d be able to tell that I was trying too hard to do so.  If you’ve ever liked a horror movie in your entire life, I suggest you see this one.

Just don’t be alarmed by the possessed dancing.

I loved that part.

And to close out?

A blast from the past!

 

 

 Brick Prior will never go to a cabin in the woods, no matter what.