PREVIOUSLY ON BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY

Brick Prior is a man trapped by time.  Possessing countless powers yet suppressing them all, he goes through life stopping the unstoppable.

Brick stood, clutching the Configuration Hammer, staring at Dr. Manipulation.  He was in a state of awe.  How had it come to this?

“You son of a bitch, listen to me,” he snarled. “I am going to kill you.  For what you’ve done, I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your spinal column. Do you understand?”

Dr. Manipulation glared at his rival.

“YOU, BRICK PRIOR, ARE NOTHING!  I’VE DESTROYED YOUR LIFE!  MINIONS, TURN THE FROZEN DONKEY WHEEL!”  The skull-helmeted minions of Dr. Manipulation went to do just that.  Brick glared at the evil doctor.  Hard.

“Not the thing from LOST!”

“Yes!  I stole the idea from Dr. Detroit’s head- to use the very thing you hold dear against you!”

“But that thing was responsible for an awesome development in a show I really, really like!  Don’t do it!”

“I’m going to-“

“YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE IF YOU DO IT!” Brick flicked the switch on the Hammer to “ON”.  It was time for a fight.

“MINIONS, TURN THE WHEEL PROMPTLY EVEN THOUGH I JUST ASKED YOU TO!  THIS, I COMMAND!”

Brick charged at his foes as the Configuration Hammer emitted all sorts of cool energy and stuff.

“DICK AT YA!”

And the opening credits look something like this…

 

 

THE BIRD’S ON DECK

I like chicken.

 

MY DVD COLLECTION IS MASSIVE AND OUT OF CONTROL

I spend way too much money on DVDs.  Here’s a list of my priorities when it comes to buying the digital video disc goods:

• Complete TV season sets that are interesting and on sale.  Example: I bought the “Millennium” set because it was $40 and Lance Henriksen rocks.  I don’t particularly care for “The X-Files” and I think Chris Carter shot his load off during the first 5 seasons of said show, so why am I going to watch this?  LANCE HENRIKSEN.  ALL HAIL BISHOP.
• Anime seasons/sets of shows that I either really, really like, inspire me creatively, or are just too fun to pass up.  Example: I own all of Full Metal Panic.  Am I a Full Metal Panic kind of person?  I DON’T KNOW, LET’S FIND OUT.
• Horror movies that no one else watches but me.  Yes, I own a copy of Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds- would you like to make an alliance with me?  I snatched up two Mario Bava box sets at $20 a piece because A) “It’s Italian” and B) if I can snag a horror gem I haven’t seen before out of over ten movies, that’d be awesome.  Plus, Ithiyak’s gotta eat.
• Shaw Brothers films.  There is nothing like an old school martial arts Shaw Brothers film from the 1970s. The choreography is unparalleled, and when it comes down to it, such beauty isn’t gonna be seen regularly in modern filmmaking.  “A Shaw Brothers Film A Day” will happen some day, goddamnit.
• Random shit only I like, meaning- the only person that will watch it is me.  Who else wants to watch a two disc collection of Max Fleischer’s Superman cartoons?  Nobody I know. 
• New releases.  I’m gonna see “The Wrestler” eventually, damn it, and ordering it on Amazon is how.  (NOTE": This just in, now I have it).  Yes, I have Netflix, but I am more of an “own” person.  By the way, can you tell me when Katsucon is?  Anyway, I don’t go to the movies all that much anymore because the crowds suck and no one ever wants to go.  You take the good, you take the bad, something something something something facts of life.  The facts of life.  What the world really needs is for Ms. Garrett to shut the fuck up and make a salad.  Why does she give Jo all that goddamn SHIT? Besides, I can’t drink beer in the theater.  That’s LAME.

 

So, there you have it.  This is what I do with my money, besides finance a small salt smuggling ring.

Wait, did I just type that on the Internet?

SHIT.

 

AND NOW THE NEWS, DON’T TOUCH THAT DIAL

Sad news from the music world today, as rapper Nyucka Hoe was found dead in his home early yesterday morning.  Hoe, real name Ezekiel Stevenson, shot to fame with his 2004 single “Gonna Eat Dat Cake” had been embroiled in an internet feud with famed “multimedia enthusiast/psuedonymic legend/fictional internet superhero” Brick Prior for several years, culminating with these scathing lyrics from Prior’s 2008 single, “Get Them Knees Up: The Sequel” off of his most recent album, “What I Gotta Do When I Gotta Do It”:

Gonna take Hoe’s bitch and

GET THEM KNEES UP

She gonna have eight kids

‘Cuz she took it straight up

Gonna body that Nyucka

He be layin’ face up

Can’t nobody fuck with THA KANG

Prior then released salacious pictures over the internet of Hoe’s girlfriend, Blondie Locks, with the woman eating eggs and snorting cocaine with a caption that read “THIS IS FROM MY HOUSE, NYUCKA!”, which sent Hoe into a mild depression, sources say.  When accepting her award for 2008’s Worst Supporting Actress for her performance in “Crossroads 2: Another Road”, Locks (real name: Abigail Flyweather) said that the picture was a “mistake, but the coke was nice.”  Ms. Flyweather is currently in rehab at St. Westin, and is scheduled to be released in July.

When reached for comment, Prior’s friend, Dr. Detroit (real name: Doctor Detroit) had this to say:

“It’s a goddamn shame.  Can I say that to you?  Are you religious?  Goddamn shame.  God damnit.  Brick’s been seeing a mentalologist- you know, a person you deals with the mental mind, about his problems.  You did know that right?  Brick Prior, seeing a mentalogist for his mental mind.  Write that down.  I’m fucking with you.  Good bye.”

Sasha Kenzan (real name: S. Dot Kenzan), who has Prior under contract until the year 2097, could not be reached for comment, but his representatives said that all he would do was “point at Brick to piss him off and make him crazier.”  Brick Prior is currently on the Blue Side of the Moon fighting Dr. Manipulation, but expects to return to Earth later this year with a “WIN, BITCH”.

 

THAT WAS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE REAL NEWS

And there’s more where that came from, too.  I got a head full of this shit, and by shit, I mean crazy sanities.

So, where were we?

Congratulations, thank you, and welcome to Boogity Boogity Boogity #7.  I’d like to thank you for reading, because I don’t think you get thanked enough.  Statements like that should probably go at the beginning of the piece, but I’m having fun right now, and I hope you are too.  We live in exciting and interesting times- the zombie apocalypse isn’t here yet, so everything’s kosher.  There’s a lot of good stuff out that I haven’t seen, so enjoy it for me ‘cuz I probably won’t see it until December.  What can I say, except that I live in a very selfish and personal bubble and will probably only go to see Drag Me To Hell and Inglorious Basterds at the movies.  I saw Star Trek on fake IMAX, and it was a lot of fun.  However, if they do some sort of Wrath of Khan shit for the next movie, I am going to punch someone in the face.  I might go see Transformers 2: The Transformering with Old Man Brick, but that’s only because he took me to see the 1986 big screen adventures of The Transformers, only to watch his six year old son cry like nobody’s business when Optimus Prime died.  Shame how he couldn’t be rebuilt, but a bunch of fucking junk planet denizens could rebuild that Ultra Magnus fella after he got blown up.

Do you remember that song, though?  The one song, with the synthesizers and the white guy?

 

 

Wait, no!  Not that white guy… where is it?

 

 

 

HEY SLIM, WHAT THE FUCK?! I understand the first clip was a joke, but what the fuck is that shit?!  Now, I’m not gonna sit here and go blah blah blah how could they do this blah blah because they did it, so it’s a part of the world now.  It’s out there and updated and warranted or not, hoo boy, that is baaaaaaaaaaad. 

And even though I am a child of the eighties, I mean bad as in “fucking horrid”.  What the WHAT?! indeed.

 

HEY, WHERE’VE YOU BEEN?

Working at my actual job that gives me the money to do things like form the Regulators and play Left 4 Dead, harass Kenzan and the rest of the forum folks at Anime Mid-Atlantic, and plan cool stuff like A Horror A Day 2009. 

Wait, that’s in October.  Kinda far off, right?  We’re gonna need something in July, methinks…

Stay tuned.

 

THAT’S RIGHT, ANOTHER CON’S COMING UP

I’m going to have a busy “summer” (Note: when you get old and have to work everyday, summer no longer exists.  You just get a break from work.), as Anime Mid-Atlantic is in a few short weeks, followed by Otakon a month later.  The former means that the Dynamic Duo of Sasha Kenzan and Brick Prior will reunite in person to spread havoc upon the land… which means that someone will randomly shout something stupid and we will laugh about it for longer than necessary.  Perhaps I will do yet another Bill Cosby impersonation- I don’t know for sure, because I want to get my Schwarzenegger back up to snuff this year.  I am going to drink a lot of beer, and perhaps beat the shit out of SaikyoCrusher in Street Fighter IV.  Actually, I will do just that because when I’m not a superhero, I’m a supervillian.

Wait, did I just call someone out?

YES YES I DID OH LAWS!

And, to make it even better… I’ll just call the entire forum out.

AMA.

STREET FIGHTER IV.

ALL OF YOU.

ONE OF ME.

WE ARE GOING TO TOURNAMENTIZE THINGS.

YOU BETTER HOLD BLOCK BECAUSE I WILL.

 

NO, I DO NOT HIDE BEHIND MY KEYBOARD, I WEIGH A LOT MORE IN PERSON AND CAN TOSS MIDGETS

Actually, I can’t even hurt a fly.

 

REBOOTS, REIMAGININGS, RETARDED SHIT

So, Terminator Salvation had all the impact of a feather with critics.  While it wasn’t a reboot or reimagining, it was a repurposing of an existing franchise, which just so happens to be all the rage these days.  However, with the latest announcement that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was coming back on the big screen, I was completely baffled.  It’s not that the fact that Joss Whedon isn’t involved- while that alone sends folks into a tizzy about things, I don’t actually care about that as I’ve still got my DVD sets of Buffy and Angel.  That work isn’t tarnished- it’s still on the shelf available for me to watch and enjoy any time I want.  I don’t care that the characters I loved from the show won’t be in this installment.  I don’t care about the movie itself.  What I do care about, and what I find myself coming back to a lot recently, is this constant reuse of properties as “new” media to consume.  I find that what pisses me off the most is that there’s nothing “new” out there for me to enjoy- I’m at the point now where I actively want something- some new TV show or movie- to jump up and punch me in the face with its awesomeness.  LOST is ending next year, so I’m losing that particular things, so I’ve already started to become detached to it- granted, I’m still obsessed with it, but I know it’s going away, so that’s that.  My big thing is that I pretty much want “the next big thing” to be something completely new and original.

Why?

‘Cuz these days, it’s pretty fucking rare.

 

BEING APATHETIC ABOUT STUFF IS AWESOME, BUT YOU CAN BE A FUCKING DOWNER SOMETIMES

Thanks, brain of mine.  I am going to kick your ass later.

 

DO WE HAVE ANY NEW MATERIAL, OR ARE WE GOING TO CALL IT A DAY?

No, I’m about to tap out… wait!

 

OH NO, DON’T BE TALKING ABOUT UFC AGAIN

Damnit!  Why do you sound like Boxy Brown now?

 

WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE A HONKY, CRACKA?!

You’re from Canada, right?  That’s a joke that a Canadian would make! How do I know that?  I’VE HAD IT MADE TO ME BY A CANADIAN, THAT’S HOW. How is part of my brain from Canada?!  I’VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO CANADA!

 

OH, YOU DONE DID IT NOW- WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOU SALT BRICK BECAUSE I LIKE SALT ON MY RITZ, CRACKA!

What the fuck does that even mean?!

 

I’M JUST PLAYIN’ WITH YA, SO CLOSE IT OUT NOW

Fucker.  I hate you.

 

THE END, THANKS TO SALT BRICK CRACKA

…

 

THAT WAS ANOTHER JOKE, YOU CAN REALLY END IT NOW

Special thanks to the fucked up part of my brain.  Shout outs for all of you reading this- you’re back on the Christmas card list, just don’t go talking about Aunt Sally’s lopsided fake boob job at Thanksgiving- we all know she’s forty, but her breasts are only two months old.   Listen to our podcast, sign up for our forums, send us email, participate, learn, read, study, do things, have fun, and I’ll see you next time.

 

 

 

Brick Prior has decided to have fun, and hopes that people can put up with it.