Ack! It been long time since Master summon me to watch stack of DVD! Master not doing well- he spend time muttering about “redhead”, drinking dark liquor, and crying late at night when he no think I can hear him. I think he not leave house in three, maybe four days, or possibly month. Human time so different than demon time, Master probably lost job due to bad economy and not going, HA HA.

I cannot tell.

Anyway! Stack of DVDs grow higher, and Master demand I clip nails before writing review. He then set out bowl of kitten intestines and poster of Megan Fox woman with odd tattoos and say “Watch movies for your new mother!” before running off crying, so I do that. I grab first movie- IT SEVERAL IN BOX! Annato’bok taneth! Master make me watch several movies at once, but I only get through two before I go play bridge with man named Terrell Owens. He have no job catching odd ball no more and been doing sit-ups in driveway again. Me think authorities watch him close.

First movie called “Black Sunday”- it about evil woman who get spiked mask of Satan nailed to face, then she resurrected by man who bleed on her dead body. Why that always happen?! Why humans in movie films bleed near dead body?! First rule I follow in cemetery- don’t bleed. If bleed on dead body, dead body come back and make trouble. That not nice and make for mess later. Is called wet work, HA HA. Anyway, evil woman revive and summon man to kiss her on face- she take his power, make him servant. Master try to do that to girl once, she kick him in between legs, cops came, he blame it on brother Rick, he feed her to Ithiyak later after watching her for eight days, long story. Anyway, woman spread evil in town, is after new woman that look just like her- again, why that always happen?! Why evil woman have woman that look just like her yet is good? Is commentary on duality of human nature?! I call Doctor Detroit for answer, he laugh in phone and say that he not in, but if I leave message he get back to men in timely fashion. I curse him over phone, call back, apologize for cursing, then curse at him in native tongue. He call back, use school words on me, I feel water come to eyes. I teleport to house, try to hug him, he sick dog on me, Mrs. Detroit hit me with frying pan, blender, and expensive kitchenette. They then hit me with thing called “Total Elimination”. I then stuck in Hell for six days to regenerate. This is public apology.

I go on long rant. Is not about movie!

Back to movie- evil woman with holes in face cause trouble. She decide to go after good version to get full power. Man who in love with good version not happy, try to stop evil woman. He team up with priest who explain to kill evil people, must stab them in eye and hit brain! EVIL PEOPLE ZOMBIES! This Ithiyak’s favorite kind of movie! Movie progress, good woman in clutches of evil Satan loving dead twin woman, man must rescue! Evil henchman fall onto spikes! Bad woman try and make man think that she is good woman! Man see crucifix on good woman body who dressed in evil woman clothes- he do not fall for trick! See evil woman with decayed body after he rip open robes- NO HEAVING BOSOM OF LIFE! Man angry, priest come in with mob, set evil woman on fire! Itaka bosh annadu! Good woman come back to life, man happy, end of movie. Would have liked movie if not in black and white (why Master think he have good movie taste?!) and if we see good woman bosom. First movie I watch in ages and no good bosom. Is sad to Ithiyak.

I make drink.

Is back now.

Second movie called “Three Faces of Fear”! Frankenstein in movie- well, man who play Frankenstein. Me think me see him at party once in Hell, but it just really ugly demon. We all yell at man who dressed like Steve Irwin at because that not cool, but is not about movie, Ithiyak save that story for later. Anyway, movie have three short film in one- Ithiyak attention span not good for film like that, so he ask master for more food and drink. Master give me brains of woman named “Honey Pie”, but Ithiyak keep brains for secret project in case zombie apocalypse happen next week.

Basement smell now. Must clean.

Back to movie! I so distracted, must focus. Get chakra back in order to enhance calm. Visualize ocean- WHY LAKE NOT ON FIRE?! Ithiyak mind betray him!

What happen in first short movie? Ithiyak tell you. Woman come home from party, get phone call from odd, heavy breathing man. Movie all in Italian, is hard to follow, Master think he smart again for ability to read small words at bottom of screen. Anyway, man on phone say he kill woman by dawn. Woman frightened, call friend, tell friend of problem with man. She say backstory- she get man put in mental institution, but he escape and is out now. Friend say not to worry, they hang up phone. Man call woman back- is friend who she previously call! TWIST IN FILM! Ithiyak intrigued! Woman come over- she going to sleep over! Is all set up for biblical coupling between women?! NO. Ithiyak not interested in short film anymore. Almost turn off- but man come creeping into house! Oh, is killer man from phone who wasn’t on phone! He strangle friend! Woman wake up- she stab him with knife, the end!

Is neat, but ITHIYAK NEED TO SEE BOSOM.

Second film- start off with men finding headless body of man in woods. Nice set up. Movie continue- Frankenstein in it! He play priest man with hole in heart who wander into inn. Priest ask for man to kill dog outside, for it annoy him. Dog die. Man tell story- Ithiyak almost fall asleep. Man strangely cuddly with young boy who son of family in inn. Is just like priest to do thing to little boy, HA HA. Ithiyak joke in good fun. Movie continue. Everyone sleep. Priest get up, carry boy off into night. IS EVIL PRIEST! Nabak te’amaral! This Ithiyak’s favorite movie! Movie continue, woman distraught over boy being gone, stab husband to chase after boy outside, she gone. Couple flee due to all the killing- is attacked by evil Wurdalak who disguised as priest and woman! Couple die, everyone die. Is fun.

Third film! Nurse woman get call to come to house to tend to other woman. Other woman gypsy who perform seance, but is dead! Woman died during middle of séance, and stuck outside of body. Ghosts angry and torment woman! Woman dies! Frankenstein come back to close film- IS ALL ON MOVIE SET! FRANKENSTEIN IS RIDING A FAKE CARRIAGE AND HE SMILING! SHATO BA’ANNATEMA FETH! Ithiyak calm now. Is decent film, all in all. Ithiyak laugh in parts, get hungry during others. Ithiyak wonder what else in DVD box. Eleven more films! Oh, Ithiyak need brown liquor one day to watch all! Is daunting task, but Ithiyak up to it. If succeed, Master possibly give Ithiyak woman this time. Ithiyak be nice to woman- will give her bucket when he keep her in closet, unlike last time. Master not like mess woman made on his Nike boots, he get mad, take off belt, try to hit woman, end up crying, ask woman to touch him, she slap him, him cry more and try to shoot her, Ithiyak rip her throat out from behind.

Or maybe that fever dream I had? Ithiyak not know.

Is done for now- look at stack, is many more film. Will need to pass time before watching films again. Will also need to make sure Master leave house. We out of bathroom paper.

Until next time I type!

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