Office Hours #2! And no, you can’t have any extra credit.

- I’m starting my office hours this week by giving a shout out to all the poor souls who find our site because they’re looking for gorillas to know Samus Aran in the biblical sense. No, this is not a beastiality piece.

- I’m doing this because I saw the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen last night, just before I went to bed. It was a piece on the Science channel about the Humanzee, specifically about one named Oliver. Obviously, I’m a little late to the dance on this, but that was one weird ape. Research has proven that Oliver is not a Humanzee, In my mind, he’s the unofficial AbG mascot, since he was last seen at an event in 2008 smashing watermelons.

- Hopefully he did it Gallagher style.

- The K the U the T the T the Y

- I want one of those WWJD shirts where the J is Jason’s mask, but instead of the mask I want one with Jai Ho.

- Yes, that’s not his real name, but if you listened to the ATTACKED BY GORILLAS DOT COM PODCAST you would get the joke.

- One thing I wanted to do on the Podcast last night, but didn’t since we got caught into the Oscars and P-Kutty and Jai Ho and everyone’s crew, was try out a game I read about in a Kurt Vonnegut book. In the book Timequake, Vonnegut talks about a game…more like a mental exercise that his brother Bernard would always play in his free time. What he would do is, he’d imagine himself in some unknown or unexpected situation—car breaks down in the middle of the night, he wins the lottery, he comes home from work and finds his house has been robbed, things like that—and would keep asking himself “What would I do? And then?” and come up with realistic and logical ways to approach these problems or otherwise extraordinary circumstances he might hypothetically find himself in. This is a good exercise, because if you think about this stuff enough, when the day does come that you find yourself in some unexpected situation—and we all will, that’s life—then you might be less overwhelmed by the shock and have more experience thinking things through to their logical end.

- But obviously, a game like this isn’t very appealing for a Podcast like ours, because no one wants to sit around and listen to us talk about what we would do if our car broke down. But what does work for AbG is playing this game but under more unbelievable scenarios, things that would be awesome in the sense and not in the sense.

- I won’t do the scenario I was planning on doing for last night’s episode, because it could get dark fast. Instead, we’ll try this on for size—and this is for you, dear reader, because I am not going to answer this here. Do as I say, not as I do.

- What would you do if you woke up tomorrow morning, and quickly found out—probably because you whatever kind of alarm you were using—that you had uncontrollable superhuman strength? You’re tearing doors off their hinges like paper from a notebook, and you have no idea why this happened or how to control it. What would you do? What then? And what then?

- I should put one of these questions on my next exam. I wonder what they would do.

- Oh, and as for the question I posted earlier in the week about the top five wrestlers of all time, and the top five non-world champions of all time, without going into the lengthy set of constrictions I imposed on myself, I’m saying: 1) Ric Flair 2) Steve Austin 3) Randy Savage 4) Dusty Rhodes, 5) John Cena Triple H I can’t think of a legit 5) right now. On the other list: 1) Roddy Piper, 2) Mr. Perfect, 3) Ted Dibiase, 4) Rick Rude (I’m not counting the WCW International World Title), 5) Sasha Kenzan Owen Hart

- This looks like a good book.

- My office hours are over!

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