I know what you’re thinking: how in the hay-ell am I going to post about an addition 13 movies when I have 16 more movies to write about? 

Well, one answer is- I’ve got some help.

I was tooling around the mall the other day looking for used copies of Marvel vs. Capcom 2 so I can sell them on eBay (don’t talk to me about that particular game possibly being released on Xbox Live.  It will ruin the resell market, damnit!) when I walked into a random, out of the way shop- you know the ones that sell all the weird trinkets and stuff and has half a case full of incense and "pipes"

Yeah, one of those.   Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 15th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Let’s see… how do we begin today’s festivities?

I will with a teaser- there are THIRTEEN unannounced movies that will be bum-rushing A Horror A Day.

When will they start to show up, you ask?

I am not going to say… you’ll know when you see it.  It’ll probably have something to do with ‘bum-rush’ in the title, and I may not follow the exact same format I’ve been using… but they’re definitely in the pipeline.

So, with that said… on with the show!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 14th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Glad to see you could make it back, gang!  Here we are on Day #13, and when I finally do go crazy, I hope I end up like Neville Brand’s character in today’s film.

Just what the hell am I talking about, you ask?

Killer crocs, a crazy old man, and Freddy Krueger’s fixation on a(r)nal sex, coming up!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 13th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

1995, Earth.  A race of genetically altered humans known as "mutants" are under heavy persecution.  People are enjoying their widely popular Saturday morning cartoon show, yet they are still incapable of starring in a video game that isn’t outright painful to play… UNTIL NOW.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 13th, 2008 in Axel Night, Video Games by Axel Night

Helllo.

Back again for another day.  I need caffeine.  I feel lethargic and like my muscles don’t want to work… has anyone ever felt like this?  I’m also pretty thirsty, but no matter how much water I drink, nothing seems to quench my thirst.

You don’t think I’m turning into a va- nah, let’s not go there.    On with- Jesus Christ, that makeshift cross I have sitting in the corner for the eventual vampire apocalypse is starting to make me feel… itchy. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 12th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

So, I’ve recovered somewhat from yesterday… actually, that’s a big lie.  Whoever made this list needs to be shot.

Posted on October 11th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

I was going to do an Astronaut Jones parody for the opening, but I’m not that far gone yet.

So, what’s up?  How’ve you been?  It’s Day 10, and I think I’ve lost my mind.

Posted on October 10th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Here we are, face to face… again.  I’m sorry I punched you last time, but I told you to quit making that joke about me shitting my pants when I didn’t shit my pants.  I’m a grown ass man that still has some of his “bowelecular faculties”- I don’t shit my pants. 

I’ve seen a guy shit his pants before, though.

Let me tell you about it.

One night, on the thirty third day of the year, when the moon was only visible for three quarters of the night, I stood on the veranda, sipping my drink and thinking about world peace.  A couple was arguing across the way.  The man was flustered.  His face scrunched up, and suddenly the  woman frowned and held her nose.

Then man then screamed, “OH MY GOD, I SHIT MY PANTS!”

Like I said, I’ve never done that.

…brain’s still gone.  On with the show!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 9th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

You are sitting on a rock. The sky is blue. The birds are chirping. It is a beautiful day.

Turn to page forty-three to see what happens.

OH NO, ALIENS ARE COMING DOWN FROM THE SKY!

One of them just vomited on a rock, and OH MY GOD THE ROCK IS ALIVE NOW! It’s turned into a golem and it’s coming after you! You run, but trip over a tree branch- OH NO AN ALIEN JUST VOMITED ON A TREE AND NOW THE TREE IS ALIVE!

OHHHHH IT’S EATING YOUR HEAD!

YOU’RE DEAD!

Return to page one.

…

Yep, that’s where my brain is right now. Join me for Day 8!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 8th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

I have a correction to make from yesterday’s column- Babs the Sorority Leader Turned Demonically Possessed Eighties Punk Dominatrix was not shot to death, she was burned to death.  After a while, all the different kills get all jumbled In my head, man.

So where are we?  What day is this?  I’m already starting to get a bit punchy; your Rock of Horror Rockin’ Movies is just a tad bit worn out one week in.  I don’t think I’ve had enough caffeine or drank enough beer during this whole shindig.  Let’s blame the day job, or if you want to be specific, the set of house keys I just sat on.

Anyway…

Who cares what day or time it is or how I feel?!

It’s A Horror A Day!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 7th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Rumor has it that one of you may or may not be drinking water right now.  If so, good for you!  If not, get yourself a tall glass of something and settle in, because it’s going to be a long night.  I’ve recovered from yesterday’s cinematic assault on my own personal wellbeing, and now it’s time to get back to basics:  stupid college kids unleashing an imp trapped inside a bowling trophy as part of a sorority prank

Have I ever mentioned that I love this month? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 6th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Here we are: Day Five.  I’d ask you if you were enjoying the guacamole, but I think you are.  You’re doing just nicely, sitting there, drink in hand (diet, mixed, or otherwise, but I know it’s carbonated either way, so don’t fake), and wondering what kind of film I will bust out next.

The most awesome kind, of course.

Low-rent running zombies from the Eighties, of course!   Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 5th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

I got a letter yesterday- actually, that’s a lie.  I hacked into the site mail.  Here it is:

Dear Attacked By Gorillas Staff,

My name is Timmy- no South Park jokes, please.  Anyway, I’m a long time fan of your site, but I have a question.

Is Brick Prior on drugs?

I don’t understand a lot of the things he talks about- what is, for example, "Tentacle Beast Man"?  Do you guys know what goes on in his head, because I don’t.  Remember that Rage article where he seemed somewhat normal?  I want that guy back… not this ranting monster. 

Oh, and could Dr. Detroit write an article about Dr. Detroit?  I think that would be funny.

Keep up the good work!

Well, allow me to retort.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 4th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Question for you:

Why do birds suddenly appear every time that you’re near?  One would say that (just like me), they want to be close to you, but, in all honestly, I know the real deal.

THEY WANT TO KILL YOU.

Why do you think that every time you walk somewhere (and I know you walk places, you don’t drive everywhere, do you?  What do you have against walking anyway?) there are all those damn pigeons around?

THEY’RE GOING TO GO FOR YOUR EYES FIRST.

Yes, I know that they’re just rats with wings, but that’s a horrid way to go- getting pecked to death by rats with wings!  Think about it!  That’s worse than drowning in a river of spit!  That’s almost worse that getting mauled to death by spiders (don’t worry, we’ll cover that later in the month)!  Beware the birds… especially the pigeons!

Just remember- the next time you’re out and about, the birds want to kill you.

On with Day 3!  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 3rd, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Welcome back to the stage of his- hey, it’s still October!  Have the leaves turned in your “ARRRRRA” yet?  Is Halloween candy at your local convenience store of your choosing?  Been thinking about what you want that special someone to wear for Halloween, and about sixty-six ways you plan to get them out of it as quickly as possible (let’s face it- you gotta get yours, and they… who cares about them?!  IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU YOU YOU!)? Good for you!

Personally, I’m celebrating the only way I know how- by watching horror movies all month long and sharing the results with you.

HOORAY FOR RAMPANT TYPINGS!  IT IS DAY TWO OF A HORROR A DAY!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO-  (Note from Mortar: Shut the fuck up, rube.  On with the show.)  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 2nd, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

It’s October, which means that Halloween is coming up, which also means that I will be immersing myself in horror movies all month long… the only difference is, this year, I plan to share.

The next month will not be a bunch of daily reviews; if you’re looking for ratings on movies here, go check out IMDB.com- what you will see, however, are spastic reactions, ruminations, and poorly misguided missives as I muse about a genre I love too damn much.   This is selective ranting at its finest..

Welcome to A Horror A Day! Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on October 1st, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior