Posted on October 21st, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Back up in your ass for the resurrection, it is I, Brick Prior.  Try not to poopy in your pants, please.  Let me get you up to speed in case this is the first time you’ve been here all month- I am watching a horror movie a day and writing down my thoughts.  Sometimes, they’ll make sense, but more often than not, they don’t.

Here’s the kicker.

There are several more films on my viewing docket that I plan to watch in addition to the 31 choices of fun I made last month.  I do not know when these new additions will be posted because it’s out of my hands at this point.

Stupid demons.

We’ve got a long way to go, and wouldn’t you know it, someone stole the Necronomicon off my bookshelf!  I can’t possibly save the day now!

…or can I? 

TODAY’S FILM:  Night of the Demons

Funny story- I threw this on the list because I like me some Eighties horror, and then I found out that they’re remaking this film!  Seriously!  How the fuck do you remake a "Stupid Kids Go Into An Abandoned Funeral Parlor And Get Fucked Up By Demons?" premise without making your own original "Stupid Kids Go Into An Abandoned Funeral Parlor And Get Fucked Up By Demons" film? 

COME ON!

Is it so much to ask for studios to do something original?  Have we really become that starved for ideas that the best idea is to go, "Hey, remember that movie from back in the day?  The one that only a few people saw but kinda enjoyed after a few beers?  Let’s do THAT EXACT SAME FUCKING THING!"

I dunno about you guys, but I’m tired of remakes in general.  Yes, I know that there’s a remake or two listed on my month long celebration of horror, but I put them there for a very specific reason, and when push comes to shove I’m pretty curious about the whole reasoning behind remaking films as a whole.

Enough about that, though.

Judging by the trailer, what do you think?  Does this deserve a revamp?

THE TRAILER

THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

NOTE:  This review is hideously biased because I represent.

Where to begin… well, let’s start at the beginning.  Everyone likes to have fun on Halloween, especially teenagers in the Eighties.  Most of the time, these wayward, misunderstood kids with bad hair and an even worse sense of common… sense just want to party.  Well, PARTY PARTY PARTY, PARTY MAKE THEM FARTY, THEY NEED TO TAKE ANTACID SO THEY CAN KEEP ON PARTYING wants and needs aside, they just can’t do it openly.

So, they go to some place secluded.  Most would pick a friend’s rich uncle’s house, or possibly an old cabin in the woods, but the kids in this particular film decide to take things to the next level by partying in an abandoned funeral home.

Now, these kids are kids you’ve known throughout your lives… except for one, and his name is Rodger.  Rodger is probably the only black person these other teenagers know, and they don’t hang around him for his sense of whimsy or wonder- the dumbass decided to dress like a pirate for Halloween.  Completely unoriginal, Rodger- I understand that Bradlees had the costume on sale, but people are gonna know you just don’t care, man!  In fact, Rodger doesn’t even want to have anything to do with these people except for one… Judy.

You can see it in the way Rodger constantly runs away and hides in cars only to be lured out into harm’s way in order to try and save her ass.  How he runs all the way down the hallway when the demons are coming while she’s just trying to put one foot in front of the other. 

Needless to say, Rodger might be wanting her to GET THEM KNEES UP, but he knows that hey, sometimes "poon" ain’t worth dying over.

The end of the world?  Yeah, I can dig it.  Possible death via killer chipmunks… ehhhh, maybe.  A bunch of demons possessing some of your "friends"?  Nah, buddy… just like "White Lines"… DON’T DO IT!

…I used that joke already this month, didn’t I?

Shit.

My brain’s slipping… anyway, what makes Rodger so willing to constantly run away?  Well, as previously mentioned, demons were summoned (via a Ouija board- for fuck’s sake, those things are BAD, man) and possessed his friends- one got his tongue ripped out, another stuck her hands into a fire and then made spirit fingers due to all the excitement, and another was motivated enough to push a tube of lipstick into her breast.

Yeah, I’d run too.

So, Rodger spends most of the first part of the movie hiding in a car, while Judy’s busy trying to fend off the advances of her boyfriend because… well, he’s a pushy bastard.  Everyone gets possessed and separated and killed, and it’s up to Rodger to storm the house to find out what’s going on.  This means seeing a bunch of burnt up, possessed folks and going, "Fuck that!" and running away before remembering that he has to save his high school crush.  So, it’s a fun repeating cycle that hits its high-point when the two have to scale a wall wrapped in barbed wire.  Naturally, Rodger makes it over first, but Judy’s lagging behind… and it’s actually a very tense scene as there’s no idea if Rodger is going to stick around and help the poor girl out or keep running the fuck away.

And let me tell you what he does.

He- SIKE!

It’ll be on cable soon enough, so check it out.

BRICK’S FINAL WORDS FOR THE DAY

This is a fun film, but the "Do Bad Things, End Up Dead" golden rule of horror movies is in full fucking effect for this one.  I mean, you have to be retarded to go party in an abandonded funeral home, so, yeah.  The kids got what they deserved.  Also, never fuck with Ouija boards- trust me, I know.  Back to reality- the effects are great (remember: practical effects rule all), but unfortunately this effort would be tainted by sequels.

One sequel in particular involved water guns with holy water inside the reservoir in a hideous Super Soaker marketing tie-in.

Sweet Jibbity Jesus, I wish I was making that up.

Remember, folks… nothing is sacred.

TOMORROW

Friday the 13th!  It’s the final countdown, but there will be no ILLUSIONS, I promise!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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