Posted on October 20th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Wee buddy, back for another day!  Welcome to the final stretch, gang!  Eleven more days, TWENTY SIX more movies!  That’s right, twenty-six!  I’m pulling out all the stops!  I’m officially gonna go BANANA.  Pull the car over, but don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk, because we are about to turn this mutha out.

"Please, Brick, don’t hurt ‘em!" you say?

Bwahahaha, please… I got horror movies to watch! 

TODAY’S FILM:  Pumpkinhead

This is the only film that the late Stan Winston directed, which makes it worth a watch or six.  Seriously, Winston left his mark on filmmaking more than most folks realize- the Terminator, the Predator, and countless others wouldn’t have been realized on screen without him.

So, how does Pumpkinhead stack up?

Let’s check the trailer!

THE TRAILER

THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

The thing I like the most about Pumpkinhead is that it is SRRRRRIOUS… well, as serious as you can get without snickering at Eighties fashion.  Oh, and if you like to laugh at rednecks, then you might have a bit of a problem.

Again, and I hate to go off the rails for a bit, but what is up with horror’s infatuation with showing how different rednecks are from "normal" folks.  Hell, I live fifteen minutes from a town full of "urban rednecks", and I never go, "Ya know, maybe I shouldn’t have flicked that guy off while he almost ran me over.  Now he’s gonna go up to the shack at the top of the hill and get some old ghastly witch to curse my ass."

Nope, I’ve never thought that at all… but that’s exactly what happened in this movie!

Kinda.

It opens up with a guy banging on a family’s door for some help.  See, there’s this thing after him for something wrong he did, and that fucking thing is HUGE.  It’s also an old legend- do something wrong, and Pumpkinhead will come get you, which is how I live my chaste and pure life.

ergregg

Sorry, flung a beer can at someone and called them a dick.  I shall carry on.

Anyway, the legend of Pumpkinhead lives on with the family’s only son named Ed.  He’s grown and raising his young son, getting him prepared for life and whatnot, letting him help out around the family store- you know, nice and good-natured character building stuff that pulls on your heartstrings when the kid runs out in the middle of a bike race while chasing down his dog and takes a dirtbike to the torso for maximum life lossage.

This is why you need to listen to your parents, children.

See, when they say, "Billy, mind the dog and stay in the shop" you should mind the dog and stay in the shop.  Do not go chase after the dog- it is a dog, and sometimes it will run away because it likes to do dog-things… like piss and shit outside, for example.  So, say the dog runs off- you should listen to your pa ‘fore he learns ya with a switch against your backside, I reckon.

…okay, that was weird.

Where was I?  Kid + dirtbike to torso = death.  Nothing can change that.  Granted, all the city folks run away because they were drinking beforehand and one of them is on probation so he can’t get locked up for killing a kid, no sir, so he does the smart and rational thing by holding all of his friends hostage in a cabin because them bitches are gonna snitch fo’ sho’.

So, Ed the Dad is all pissed and is out for blood… fortunately, he remembers the old Pumpkinhead legend and goes to see the local witch to get some revengin’ done.  So, you know, there’s an old crone calling the shots and a big spell involving blood and sacrifice and maybe a chicken, I can’t remember… Ed digs up a deformed body at a pumpkin patch, the spell goes forward, and it is ON, son!

The awesome thing about the movie is that it shits in the face of what’s expected in a horror movie.  You expect the responsible brother to be the hero of the day, but he gets merced first.  Hot brunette with some major bewbage?  Sorry, she gets killed before you get to see them.  Asshole that’s the cause of all the mess?  He almost survives until the end.  The couple that really shouldn’t be in the movie because their best moments took place when they were locked in a closet and uninvolved in all the shenanigans?  Somehow they survive!

AMAZING.

The kicker, and a hell of a bleak ending, is that any sort of pain Ed feels gets transferred to Pumpkinhead due to the fact that they’re linked… so, what does Ed figure he has to do in order to set things right?

Kill himself!

Of course, this leads to a moment that I like to call "You Know He’s Gonna Fuck It Up".  Granted, these moments happen all the time- from the skateboarder trying to olly but slipping on their board and cracking their skull on the pavement while you watch, to the kid racing his go-kart, bouncing it off a curb, and flying in the air as a result… you know that in the back of your head you’re going, "You know he’s gonna fuck it up…"

Here’s what happened to Ed.

Ed goes, "Well, I reckon I better kill myself and put an end to this" and grabs a gun, figuring to put a bullet in his brainpan (squish).  We cut to one of the annoying people when we hear a gunshot.  The annoying girl goes, "Oh no!" as Ed comes staggering out the car, a thin trickle of blood from his temple, and tosses her the gun.

GOT DAMN’T
, ED.

I figure that if Ed was about to turn into a zombie, he would have been successful… but since he was linked to a tailed monster with a hydrocephalic head, then… well, sometimes shit happens.

Anyway, Ed gets filled with lead, Pumpkinhead catches on fire, and it’s all over, right?

Nah.

Pumpkinhead gets buried with Ed’s necklace on, meaning that our boy is eternally damned… to have his story continued on the Sci-Fi Channel, which is a fate worse than death.  Needless to say, things got that bad for a franchise with such promise… although, the sequel did have both Ami Dolenz and Soleil Moon-Frye…

etrgegrgrg

…sorry, I just punched myself in the face.  BAD THOUGHTS, BRICK- BAD THOUGHTS!

BRICK’S FINAL WORDS FOR THE DAY

This is definitely worth a look.  It’s got one of the better original horror movies to come out of the Eighties with a villian that wasn’t played for laughs, with a pretty solid premise as well. 

Just avoid the Sci-Fi sequels.

Oh God, avoid the Sci-Fi sequels…

TOMORROW


Night of the Demons
!  Finally, you get to meet ROGER, THE MOST WORTHLESS CHARACTER IN A HORROR MOVIE EVER.

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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