Posted on October 17th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Last time on A Horror A Day:

I wrote about way too many horror movies.

I alienated tons and tons of people in the process.

I still like Kamen Rider even after the shitty "Masked Rider" adaptation in the mid nineties.

The last one you never knew about.

The fact of the matter is… no one knows what I’m going to talk about today… UNTIL NOW.  

I’ve already seen Nightmare City , which was today’s scheduled film even though it was scheduled earler.  As it stands:  I’ve seen it and I didn’t quite take to it.  I’ve seen a lot of shitty horror movies in my time, but as I look back on the last two weeks, said movie is starting to take the cake.  It is shit.  It has no redeeming qualities besides the birth of running zombies.  I did not appreciate all the titty-stabbing.  The movie should be in the middle of a shit sandwich with a side of "fuck it, do you have a copy of ‘Evil Dead‘?"

Yeah, I love Bruce Campbell, but I went there.  Sorry,  I fucking represent for those in the know.

So, how do we replace it?  How do we replace the rampant titty stabbing?

I’m thinking… let’s go modern.

Better yet…

Let’s go "American"!

TODAY’S FILM:  Midnight Meat Train

NOTE: I don’t know what the proper spelling of "Lion’s Gate/Lionsgate/LionsGate" is if I want to refer to said outfit.  I apologize in advance.

You, and most of America (fuck yeah!), definitely missed this.  Lions Gate, who got all sorts of rich off of the "Saw" franchise, passed over this one for a nationwide release to unveil… more Saw movies.  Even worse, Clive Barker, author of the short story that the movie was based on,  has been shilling this one out on the FearNET channel only to take "intermissions" for…  SAW 5.

Way to fuck someone in the ass and make them regret it, Lion’s Gate.  I mean, if you have no real sense of studio-self and just need a release, then I can see that the "Saw" "trilogy" (there is a distinction between the first three and 4 and 5, mind you) would do it for you.  However, since you took said "trilogy" (you know my viewpoint by now, gang) and decided to spooge all over a rock and make it into a Halloween "event", then at least have some sort of respect for it.  Let’s see some sort of progression besides a plot woven around a bunch of kills.  Hell, one of the most un-PC folks I know actually walked out on "Saw 4", and if you actually knew this person, then you know you’re fucked franchise wise.

I’m gonna stop ranting about my hate for the "Saw" franchise (keyword: franchise, not a singular movie) now and refocus. Let’s get on to the nitty und gritty!

THE TRAILER


THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

Leon is a photographer trying to just break in to his field and be noticed.  He spends his days looking for the shots that will get him a couple of looks and a bit of a break but nothing really pans out.  Enter Brooke Shields- oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to edit the fact that the actress was playing a character and not actually being who they are.

NOTE #2:  I’m not trying to get in trouble for anything.  I’m just saying- this is the perfect character for Brooke Shields. She shatters all misconceptions about her person.  No, I never watched an episode of "Suddenly Susan" so I don’t know how the fuck that character acted.  All I’m saying is, if you are a child of the Eighties like I am, this is how you’d expect Brooke Shields to be: a complete bitch.

Like I was saying, Our Hero is looking for his big break.  He’s supported by his girlfriend and a sketchy sumbitch that just is begging to be killed with all his actions.  Said friend also thinks he’s funny, but he really isn’t.

NOTE #3:  I have a belief:  Every work of fiction should have a "Xander".  What is a "Xander", you ask?  First off, a "Xander" is derived from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"- it is the epitome of a character that will never waver in his or hers loyalty to the main character, and will always have a joke or six to lighten the situation.  Character development will happen, but will be occasionally tossed under the rug only to dust it off when people have forgotten about it.

Shit.

I lost the plot.

What were we talking about- okay!  Leon!  Leon is a photographer that gets shunned by an art mogul of sorts and is hunting for the perfect pictures that will send him on his way!  Unfortunately, he sees that a subway killer is his perfect subject, and keeps following him until the end,

Literally.

I’ve spoiled a lot of movies during the last two weeks, but I won’t spoil this one.  It is a movie you need to see- if you really want to be sold, all I can say is:  multiple deaths by hammer.

This is also the closest "mainstream" Fulci-esque film I’ve seen in the modern era.  The cinematography and shot selection is gorgeous- Ryuhei Kitamura (Versus, Godzilla: Final Wars) will be something to be reckoned with in years to come as a director, I assure you.  Believe me when I say that we don’t get to see horror films like this all too often.  Sometimes, there are no stingers.  There’s no catchy pop-rock soundtrack.

There’s just doom.

Oh, and:

RAMPAGE!  RAMPAGE!  RAM- DO WHAT NOW?!  OH FUCK!  ARE YOU SRRRRRROUS?!

BRICK’S FINAL WORDS FOR THE DAY

Fuck you, Lion’s Gate.

To solidify my feelings:

Horror movies should not be cranked out yearly under a "franchise" banner, while the "lesser" ones get shunted to satellite TV.  They need to be seen by all.  Who cares if people hate it- if it’s good, the money will flow regardless.

Let’s get the original stuff back on the screens, please.  This should have been in every theater in the country.  Adaptation or not, this film would have put asses in seats guaranteed.

I am disappointed in how this one was handled, to say the least.

It’s worth seeing even if you hate horror.

TOMORROW

The Beyond!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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