Posted on October 13th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Glad to see you could make it back, gang!  Here we are on Day #13, and when I finally do go crazy, I hope I end up like Neville Brand’s character in today’s film.

Just what the hell am I talking about, you ask?

Killer crocs, a crazy old man, and Freddy Krueger’s fixation on a(r)nal sex, coming up! 

TODAY’S FILM: Eaten Alive

Once again, this is a movie with a crazy redneck in it.  Maybe for the Fourth of July, I’ll write up my thoughts on a bunch of crazy redneck movies.

Yeah right.

Here’s the trailer!

THE TRAILER

THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

"My name is Buck, and I’m here to fuck."

Nope, I didn’t magically watch the first bit of Kill Bill Volume One instead, that is the opening line to this particular film delivered by one Robert Englund.  The next couple of minutes are him going on and on about to a prostitute, asking her to "roll over and get on them knees" or "get them knees up", which, if some aspiring rap artist sees this film, I guarantee it’ll be the most fucking annoying song to ever get radio play.

Observe.

RIGHT NOW, THAT’S RIGHT, RIGHT NOW
I WANT ERRRRY WOMAN OUT THERE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I WANT
I GOTS TO HAVE IT ‘CUZ IF YOU AIN’T GONNA GIVE IT THEM I GOTS TO GET IT
KNAMSAYIN
YA FEEL ME- HERE WE GO
GET THEM KNEES UP
I SAID GET THEM KNEES UP
GET THEM KNEES UP
HOLLA
SAY WHAT
GET THEM KNEES UP
I AIN’T PLAYIN
WHAT
GET THEM KNEES UP
HO!
TRICK ASS BITCH BETTA GET THEM KNEES UP
GET THEM KNEES UP
GET THEM KNEES UP
CUZ WE LIKE IT LIKE THAT

See?

Fucking annoying,

So, after getting kicked out the brothel for not giving up the starfruit, our intrepid prostitute finds herself at Judd’s motel.  Judd is busy muttering to himself, yadda yadda yadda, really ranting his ass off- if you see this film, see it for Neville Brand’s performance… it’s just one constant mutter of crazy sanities, and it’s awesome.  So, Judd kinda looks at the girl for a moment, then goes "YOU FROM MISS HATTIE’S PLACE" and starts to claw at her.  They both take a tumble down the steps, the girl untangles herself and tries to make a getaway, but Judd gets up, grabs a rake, and hits her with it several times, killing her.

Panicked, he dumps her into the moat where his pet crocodille lives, and that scaly bastard gobbles the corpse right up!

WHOOOO!  KILLER CROC FUN!

Judd heads off to mutter to himself and play loud music to down out the voices.  Buck shows up to give him shit because he is awesome.  Sometime later, a family of four (Faye, Roy, Angie, and their pet dog Snoopy) pull up, and Judd’s eager to let them have a room.  Snoopy and Angie go off to play- but it’s right near the croc pen, so that evil bastard breaks on through and gobbles Snoopy up.  Angie suffers a psychotic break, so Judd ushers them all up to a room.  Roy proceeds to get high, Faye belittles him, and Roy decides to go teach the croc some manners.

Judd catches him, and dispatches him with the rake and feeds him to the croc.

Cue more muttering from Judd.

Faye, being all grimy and dirty from saving Angie from the croc, decides to wash up a bit.  Unfortunately, Judd is having another episode, barges into the bathroom while Faye’s soaking her feet in the tub, shouts "I SEEN IT" and promptly wraps her up in the shower curtain before beating the shit out of her.  This wakes up Angie, still traumatized over Snoopy getting chomped by the croc, so she hauls ass outside.  Judd runs out after her, and after a moment’s thought, picks up a big ass scythe and chases her around until she crawls under the house.

Then he runs back upstairs and beats the shit out of Faye again, eventually tying her to a bed and muttering on in his unique fashion.

Fun movie this is.

Later, two folks- father and daughter, if you really want to know- show up looking for… another daughter who is possibly hanging out in the croc’s stomach.   Judd plays dumb… ha!  We’ll see about that! 

Later on, the dad heads back to investigate and gets a scythe in the neck… oh, that crazy Judd!

Cue Buck, who’s on a mission to get his girl to GET THEM KNEES UP by getting her drunk at the bar- unfortunately she’s underage, so the sherriff starts giving Buck a bunch of shit.  The duo decide to hit up the motel, which pisses Judd off, but he lets them have the room anyway.  They get down to business and Buck’s all "GET UP ON THEM KNEES ‘CUZ I GOTTA GET WHAT I WANT, SAID GET WHAT I WANT, A [CENSORED] NEED WHAT HE WANT" only he didn’t actually say that, he just asked for her to GET UP ON THEM KNEES.  She doesn’t wanna, and in the other room Judd counters by playing loud music.  Upstairs, Faye starts rattling the bedframe and screaming, which is pissing Buck off.  Angie decides to join in the fun by screaming for help, so Buck heads outside to see what the hell’s going on.  Judd confronts him, and tosses Buck into the croc pit, so HE GONE.  This causes his girl to go screaming from the house, so Judd chases her with a scythe, but she gets away, leaving Judd to mutter his way back to the motel.

Hey, do you remember the daughter from before?  I barely do, but she’s back and decides to WANDER RIGHT BACK THE FUCK INTO THE MOTEL AND GO TO HER ROOM.  Judd’s not there, so she gets ready for bed when she hears Faye carrying on- she heads to the other room and frees the woman, but HOLY CRAP JUDD’S ON THE STAIRS WITH HIS DAMN SCYTHE!  The crazy old man chases the girls into a room, and runs head first through a windowpane in the process, but manages to continue the chase.  Super Daughter manages to make it outside, but Judd manages to toss Faye through the banister to the first floor.

Judd races outside, where Super Daughter is trying to save Angie, so he tries to knock them both into the croc pit, but Faye’s broken self hobbles over and knocks Judd in instead.  Judd gets dragged into the pit headfirst, Faye’s screaming about her baby, Super Daughter and Angie are crying about their fathers (don’t forget Snoopy), and the Sheriff is all like "What the fuck?" as the movie ends.

And just think, this all could have been avoided if that prostitute had decided to GET THEM KNEES UP.

KNAMSAYIN?

BRICK’S FINAL WORDS FOR THE DAY

See it for Neville Brand.  Pray that "GET THEM KNEES UP" doesn’t make it into a rap song, because if it does, I’m coming after you first.

TOMORROW

The House By The Cemetery!  The Fulci portion of the month begins!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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