Posted on October 7th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

I have a correction to make from yesterday’s column- Babs the Sorority Leader Turned Demonically Possessed Eighties Punk Dominatrix was not shot to death, she was burned to death.  After a while, all the different kills get all jumbled In my head, man.

So where are we?  What day is this?  I’m already starting to get a bit punchy; your Rock of Horror Rockin’ Movies is just a tad bit worn out one week in.  I don’t think I’ve had enough caffeine or drank enough beer during this whole shindig.  Let’s blame the day job, or if you want to be specific, the set of house keys I just sat on.

Anyway…

Who cares what day or time it is or how I feel?!

It’s A Horror A Day! 

TODAY’S FILM:  Sorority House Massacre 2

If I could count how many films that are on this list that I originally saw on cable, I’d need a bunch of fingers.  Anyway, this is one of those, and this is something that thou never thought "thoust" eyes would see.  Sorority House Massacre 2, a movie so cheap, so low rent, so fucking D-I-Y that it took seven days to write AND shoot!  Oh, and there’s the small fact that a good portion of the running time uses clips from Slumber Party Massacre as it’s backstory… yet it isn’t related to that film one goddamned fucking bit.

WHO SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A HOTTY TOTTY WITH A BRITISH ACCENT???  SIGN ME UP FOR SOME KILLING!

THE TRAILER

THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

All hail Orville Ketchum.  Ketchum resides in Brick Prior’s Hall of Randomly Awesome Characters alongside Charles Gunn, James Ford, aaaa-a-a-a-and Fantomex, among others.  What makes Ketchum so special?    HE WILL NOT DIE… AND HE’S NOT EVEN THE VILLIAN.

That’s right!

Ketchum isn’t the villain and he saw all sorts of shit go down at this house where some sorority chicks are moving in at, so he tries to help them out yet he gets shot, stabbed, choked, hanged, and everything else in between, and he JUST.   WON’T.   STOP.

ORVILE KETCHUM!

That being said, let me attempt a proper recap:

A bunch of sorority chicks move into a new house appropriated for them by their house mother or some shit.  Naturally, first night in the place, they proceed to get all sorts of drunk and bust out the Ouija board- wait, sorry… forgot the lingerie.

That’s right, when moving into a new house in a new neighborhood, you always gotta get drunk and wear skimpy clothing.  I forgot about that rule.  Anyway, so they’re all nekkid and drinking and whatnot (SHOWER SCENES SAY WHAT PERVERTS SAY WHAT), and they bust out the Ouija board and decide to ask the (I’m sorry, I’m about to ramble) spirit of the killer of all the girls that were in this house if he was still around.

Say what now?

Listen here:  If I believed in Ouija boards and thought that they’d actually tell me shit I really want to know, I’d be a goddamned millionaire right now.  I’m not, and neither are these broads- HERE’S WHAT HAPPENS!  They summon up the evil spirit of Mr. Hockstetter, who was the non-killer in Slumber Party Massacre, but they just reused that footage, so he was the killer for whatever the hell that went down in that house that didn’t really go down in the footage, but really did to the footage used in the movie.  Anyway, ORVILLE KETCHUM warns them of it, but they ward him off!  He breaks in, they kill him!  Some broad gets killed, Orville tries to help, they kill him!  ORVILLE ORVILLE ORVILLE KILL KILL KILL KILLER GETS KILLED CLOTHED CLAD TITTY KILL KILL KILL THE END.

But wait, there was another movie with the same cast!

…I’m not joking.

Skip it unless you like low rent Die Hard rip-offs with scantily clad women.

…you’re not going to skip it, are you?

The name of the movie is Hard to Die.

…I apologize in advance.

BRICK PRIOR’S FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

This is a fun one… if you’re fourteen and want to see tits.  If not, then you get to ogle a former Page 3 model (says your drunk uncle:  "WHO KNOW WHAT DAT IS?!") getting splattered in blood and shot to death at the end of the movie.  This one was intriguing when I was a kid… because of the tits.  Now?  It makes my head hurt.

Hooray for progressive filmmaking!

Now, normally, I feel like I should just rant more about the state of horror movies these days, so I think I will with a succinct, precise statement. 

Fuck Saw.

That’s right, I said it.

Come get some.

TOMORROW

High Tension!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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