Posted on October 6th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Rumor has it that one of you may or may not be drinking water right now.  If so, good for you!  If not, get yourself a tall glass of something and settle in, because it’s going to be a long night.  I’ve recovered from yesterday’s cinematic assault on my own personal wellbeing, and now it’s time to get back to basics:  stupid college kids unleashing an imp trapped inside a bowling trophy as part of a sorority prank

Have I ever mentioned that I love this month?

TODAY’S FILM:  Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama

This film is, I shit you not, presented by Urban Classics, and the only way I figure it’s an ‘urban classic’ is due to the inclusion of a jive-talking imp as the main antagonist.  This film’s got paddling, gratuitous sorority initiation sequences, and a bunch of nonsense happening in a bowling alley.  It’s a classic at three in the morning… and then, somewhere around six, you realize that you should have watched a Sanford and Son rerun on BET instead.

Think I’m playing?

It’s trailer time!

THE TRAILER


THE RECAP, BRICK PRIOR STYLE

The stupid things we do for beer.  Granted, there’s been a lot of dumb shit done in history for a can of suds, but this movie takes the cake.  Basically, all the trouble starts when one guy wants a can of his friend’s beer so badly that they decide to spy on the Tri-Delts initiation night… which eventually turns into them outright breaking into their house and spying on the pledges as they’re showering.  Because they’re idiots, they promptly get caught and are sent on an impromptu mission- to break into the bowling alley at the mall and steal an old trophy.  If they succeed, then the police won’t get involved.  If they fail, then the police will get involved due to some good ol’ fashioned ‘B&E’, or breaking and entering for those of y’all in the know.

So, they head out to the mall- it’s important to note that one of the guys is completely shitfaced off of one beer, which makes him the smart, invincible one of the movie.  This dude is afraid of NOTHING, especially some weird spandex clad Eighties’ hottie named Spider as she’s trying to rob the bowling alley for some cash.

So, Drunk Boy’s all inquisitive and shit, and there’s a scuffle over the trophy, which hits the ground and unleashes a jive-talking imp.  In fact, his first line is:

"Owww… baby, that trophy done cramped my style!"

Yes, I paraphrased, but you get the idea.  The Imp’s the highlight of this one, and he drops wisecracks and hideous lines ("Oh no, they alone in a spooky mall, I wonda what’s gon happen next!" for example) constantly, while managing to turn folks into demons that end up killing everyone else off. 

Hooray, demons have entered the fray, but this time there’s a twist!  The imp grants fake wishes and then kills folks off!  The fat kid that wishes for gold gets hoodwinked, and gets his head ripped off by some sororizombies, the girl that wants to be prom queen ends up dressed in tatters before being yanked in half by the Bride of Frankenstein and Cindy: Girl with the Oatmeal Face, and Babs, Queen of all Sorority Evil, gets turned into some "badass" leather wearing chick before being shot to death by Spider.

Oh, and there’s some subplot about some bookwormish girl being turned into a sexpot.  She gets her head caved in by a PADDLE OF DOOM. Spider and Drunk Boy ride off into the sunset together, because someone’s got to.

The Imp also threatens to unleash a sequel on the masses, but I don’t think anyone heard him.

So, the moral of the story is: don’t break into bowling alleys.  There are imps trapped in trophies there.  People die.

BRICK PRIOR’S FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

Not much to say about this one- it’s a lot more fun to watch with friends and possibly under the influence.  Maybe this would make a cool back to back feature with Chopping Mall, though.

Hrmm.

Somebody stop me.

TOMORROW

Sorority House Massacre 2!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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