Posted on October 5th, 2008 in A Horror A Day, Brick Prior, Movies by Brick Prior

Here we are: Day Five.  I’d ask you if you were enjoying the guacamole, but I think you are.  You’re doing just nicely, sitting there, drink in hand (diet, mixed, or otherwise, but I know it’s carbonated either way, so don’t fake), and wondering what kind of film I will bust out next.

The most awesome kind, of course.

Low-rent running zombies from the Eighties, of course!  

TODAY’S FILM: Nightmare City

From the director of Cannibal Ferox comes this seminal titty-stabbing classic- forget all the hullabaloo from 28 Days Later and the Dawn of the Dead remake concerning running zombies and their place in the "zombie" hierarchy, this is where it all started, jack! KINGARTTER ain’t got nothing on this, you dig?!  And, just so you know, when I say "titty-stabbing" I mean titty-stabbing

Seriously. 

This dude hated tits.

The trailer is proof!

THE TRAILER

THE RECAP

Do you see what I was saying about the "titty-stabbing"?  Good Lord and Sweet Jesus, a lot of women get stabbed in the tit during this one.  Granted, the proper designation is "breast" or perhaps "mammary", but for our audience, I’m going with "tit".  I will probably substitute as I see fit, but the base reference word is going to be… "tit".

Also, I am gunning for hits on the website.

Tit.

Tit.

Milkshake.

Tit.

Anyway…

So, since this is an Italian zombie film of doom, shit is all over the place.  Here’s how it all goes down:  a plane containing scientists and researchers and everyone in between dealing with nuclear research lands, and the news is all over it like gangbusters.  Unfortunately, the plane contains RUNNING ZOMBIES and they hack folks up.  Seriously- they’re automatically armed with axes and shit and are just cutting the people up- guns are uneffective, so they’re just going shithouse on everyone.  Chop chop chop, no judo flips- the normals are getting fucked up with no remorse. 

Basically, there are three main set pieces around this movie- an aerobics set, a hospital, and THE END at an amusement park. Interspersed with all of this is some random subplot with General Whosawhatsit and his hot wife, plus some other general, and all this other nonsense.

I’m not joking , this film has nonsense after zombie attack after nonsense after zombie attack.  It’s like someone did a line or eight of coke and said "Faaaack- zombies!  A bunch of them running!  Against the army and stuff yeah!  Where’s the tits?!" and went nuts on the typewriter.

Did I mention that there are a lot of tits in this film?

In every set piece, there’s at least some major cleavage or a couple of pairs of tits on display.  If the tits are bare, they’re definitely getting stabbed.  If they aren’t, they might get stabbed anyway- it’s just that kind of film.  The zombies in this film just hate tits.  STAB STAB STAB TITTY TITTY TITTY STAB STAB STAB.

So, the zombies run from the airport to the aerobics studio to a hospital and affect the whole countryside, and it’s up to a reporter and nurse to stop them.  Every other scene is the main musical motif overdubbed with zombie groans and grunts and women screaming- I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. If we ever run an AbG movie night, this is the first movie I’m showing, because I want you all to FEEL MY PAIN.  There’s a bunch of unnecessary scenes with the army trying to figure out an attack plan, but they’re not fooling me one bit- this movie is all about "dun dun dun dunnn nuhnuhnuh" on the synthesizer, women screaming, and tits being stabbed.

In the midst of all the synth-fu on the soundtrack and the titty-stabbing, a reporter and a nurse are trying to survive.  If they have names, I don’t know them because the dubbing for this movie is fucking horrendous.  I shall call them Reporter and Nurse.

Reporter survives the assault on the TV studio where all the titty stabbing took place, and heads to the hospital to save the Nurse so she won’t be titty-stabbed.  They head out to find civilization or help or something- I don’t know exactly, because It’s Italian.

Did I mention the "hot" general’s wife and the fact that she’s all alone at home while her man’s going to try and save the country/world/wherever this place is, because it damn sure isn’t planet Earth in the 1980′s?  I wonder how that subplot’s going to end?

Hey Mortar, help me out!

You’re asking me for help?

Yes, I am.

I don’t even know what you just watched!

I don’t even know what I just watched!

Well, how the hell am I supposed to help you if I don’t even know what you just watched, and you don’t even know what you just watched?!

Wait a second- if I don’t know what I just watched, and you don’t know what I just watched, then what did you watch?

I don’t know!  What did you just watch?!

Nightmare City!

How was it?

I don’t know what it was!  There was a bunch of titty-stabbing!

I know, but why would you stab tits?!

I don’t know- wait, you know what I watched!

CAUGHT.

Fuck this movie.  It’s all a dream in the end, anyway- but if you want to know how it "ends", someone gets stabbed in the tit, a hot woman gets shot in the face, and some broad falls off a rollercoaster before the main character wakes up and it starts all over.

What can I say except…

It’s Italian!

BRICK’S FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS MOVIE

If you want to hurt yourself and see the beginning of the running zombie phenomenon, then get this movie.  I recommend a 12 pack to help you out.

TOMORROW

Sorority Babes in the Slime-Bowl-O-Rama!

What are people saying about "A Horror A Day"?

Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

Day 2!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

I enjoy A Horror A Day!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

I'm happy that you enjoy it!  Here is Day 3!
Brick Prior
Re: A Horror A Day

It's like the fate of the world depends on me!  Day 4!
DrDetroit
Re: A Horror A Day

This is awesome.  This is making me want to bust out some old zombie movies and take a mental health day.  Maybe next week!

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