I have a question: where does the time go? Yesterday, I thought it was the middle of August, and here we are in the middle of September. Wow wow weewa! Anyway, who cares about all that? Normally I’d say I was fighting demons and shit and Ymir shot someone, but that’s not the case this time.

We were attacked by mannequins.

We won.

On with the show.

MOTOKO KUSANAGI DOESN’T WEAR PANTS UNTIL THE SECOND SEASON

I’m just saying for those of you that don’t know. The Ghost in the Shell TV series is probably the closest thing we’re going to see to good science fiction in a visual medium presented in a concise thirty-minute format, so once Battlestar Galactica is done next year (or even before that), go ahead and snap up those season box sets of GITS. There is a serious television science-fiction drought coming. Get ready because there will be a season three. Fuck with the best, goddamnit. You heard it hear for the eighth time. I am done with my mediocre pimping of Motoko.

THIS JUST IN

Fuck you, Yoda.

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

So, it’s been a fun couple of weeks when I had a chance to enjoy them- some good games dropped and, as usual, I don’t have a whole lot of time to really play them. I have, however, become a master at cursing over my headset on Xbox Live while playing Soulcalibur IV. What can I say except that I really, really, truly, madly, deeply, insert other Savage Garden song title here, hate Schezarade. Get this goddamned elf out my Soulcalibur IV and take Yoda and the Apprentice with you. She made me so angry that I broke one of my own personal commandments and created the Drop Sock Squad (coming soon to some Xbox Live action near you) for vengeance. I am now obsessed with kicking the shit out of that damned character, and will go to unknown lengths in order to have my revenge.

Or I’m just gonna forget to hold block as usual.

You make the call.

Anyway, back to the whole good games thing- for those of you that haven’t picked up Castle Crashers, what are you waiting for? Spend some points and have some fun- live a little, I say. Join us online as we spam bosses and each other with arrows. Bionic Commando: Rearmed is also balls of fun, and hey! Did you know that Samurai Shodown II is out for Xbox Live Aracde? If you want fun, download it and relieve some bad “Engrish”!

TOO HUMAN IS A BALL OF SHIT.

Sorry, I had to put that it caps because I mean it that much. Granted, it’s not that bad, but it’s not that good either. It’s in the middle of the pack, hampered by some control issues and design flaws (Hey, Valkyrie, if you yank my corpse through the ceiling one more time, I am going to pop the trunk and shoot you in the face) which is a shame. The fact that Silicon Knights set it up as the first of a trilogy hampers it too- how fucking arrogant do you have to be in order to schedule a trilogy of games? What happened to just making one concise game with one story (with multiple endings depending on your choices throughout the 20-30 hour playtime, not including side quests and hitting pause)? Has the video game industry fallen into the Hollywood trap? Shall I need to refer to Mega Man 2 as “Mega Man II” from here on out? Are studios going to start going after “high profile” game directors for their games? I hear Tomonobu Itagaki needs a job! WHO’S GONNA DIRECT THEM VIRTUAL BOOBIES?! Seriously- if you just make a good game, then who cares about a sequel?

Good games win out every time.

Just make a better sequel, damn it.

And fix the herky-jerkyness of the cutscenes!

SUPERMAN IS A DEADBEAT DAD WHICH IS WHY SOMEONE HAS KICKED HIM WITH THE REBOOT… BOOT

What’s up with this? The world at large (which means just a few people that have more money than me) has decided that Superman Returns sucked ass and are planning to reboot the movie franchise yet again. Furthermore, Warner Bros has decided that the kick in the pants their movie franchises need are to all be dark and edgy like The Dark Knight.

Listen, if I want to watch bad adaptations of beloved characters created by people and companies that I have no control over, I’ll put Catwoman, X3, Ghost Rider, Daredevil, and both Fantastic Four movies on repeat in my DVD player until my eyes bleed. When you really look at it, was there anything wrong with Superman Returns besides the fact that it was a sequel to a (at the time) twenty-six year old film? I mean, let’s face it, Superman outside of the comic books, the Fleischer shorts, and the Bruce Timm adaptations Is boring as all fuck. He’s all blue-eyes, white-teeth, minimal heat vision and freeze breath, and some flying. That’s it. The character doesn’t particularly lend itself to prolonged cinematic exposure, so that’s probably what hurts the most… but the fact that Warner Brothers feels the need to “reinvent” the character cinematically is pretty damning for their other potential comic book franchises. Wonder Woman will probably be skinny and wear leather, and Green Lantern will be a complete nerd guffawing his way through a movie with a lantern and a ring. Batman is Batman, which means that he will always be a dick thanks to various popular interpretations (aka the last five years of DC Comics).

So, what happens now?

Well, we just wait and see. No amount of internet petitions will stop this, so hopefully, everything will turn out okay and we’ll get a decent movie out of all this hullaballoo.

…I doubt it.

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO

My Name is Bruce in November. Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds. Good music. Beer.

THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT BELONG TO THE FUCKING BATGIRL

Hey, did you hear about the uproar over some failed censoring in the latest issue of All-Star Goddamned Batman and Robin #10? BATGIRL SAID FUCKING! OH NO. Goddamn fuck shit ass bitch goddamn I say goddamn say what now, goddamn! Praise Jesus the character said fucking, goddamn I say goddamn say what now goddamn.

And I’m back.

I just had to get it out.

Maybe that should have been censored… or better yet, maybe Frank Miller is trying too hard.

We love you, Frank, but leave the cursing to the professionals.

And the Goddamned Batman.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

Melting down!

THE END

And that’s it. Coming soon, “A Horror A Day”! I plan to be the first person to go insane on the internet a day at a time.

Bye.

Brick Prior does not know where he comes from and doesn’t know where he’s been. Most likely, he’s a devil on the run, a six-gun runner, and a candle in the wind… yeah!

What are people saying about "Boogity Boogity Boogity"?

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity It's been a while. #3. Enjoy!

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity #4... wait, #5?!  Hold on #6?!  JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Ethos Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity I agree with you 100% I would have loved Blood Rayne, if this was how the movie was Quote from: Axel Night on June 30, 2008, 12:08:54 PM I'll start by saying I only hold a grudge against Uwe Boll for Blood Rayne.  Not because it was a bad movie.  It was a bad movie.  I like bad movies.  I watch some stupid shit.  It's that he made the wrong bad movie.  Blood Rayne should have been a cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  Uwe Boll just made the wrong cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  I want Rayne to puff out her barely-clad chest, lop off a Nazi's head while doing a crotch-exposing flip, then say a corny one-liner in a sultry tone.  I want a flat (only in the literary sense) character who's only emotions are rage and sex, who's closest mortal human trait is that she grunts erotically when she gets hurt at key plot-points designed to build tension.  I want her to fight zombies for no reason.  I want her to solo a tank in the confines of a German castle, without asking how it got there.  And when she is standing, dripping with sweat, amidst a pile of bloodied corpses, when the glorious, totally unrealistic violence may just be desensitizing me to anything else that could possibly be thrown my way, THAT is when we put in the randomly unnecessary sex scene with the otherwise unimportant character who was not in the games. Yes, I had hopes that Blood Rayne would be like countless other bad movies.  I had wanted it to only vaguely follow the small spattering of story the games had as a vehicle to poorly acted, low-budget sex and violence, and I was let down.  And I hated him for it. But, in many other respects, I stand behind Uwe Boll.  First off, I have seen interviews with him as well as read/watched comments by people who have met him.  The man has a deep passion for making movies.  He absolutely loves what he does.  For the most part, his name has been attached to the word "suck" because the movies he has wanted to make have been attached to video game licenses without really supporting the plot and feel of what are essentially pre-manufactured stories in need of a special kind of care to please an audience who, like my rant above, already know what they want to see before they see it.  Add in that it's an audience of young, opinionated Internet users, and you have a recipe for disaster. While I don't like his movies, mainly for those reasons, I refuse to buy into this petition hype.  I think it's pretentious and a downright shitty way to treat a human-being.  If you don't like someone's movies, you stop paying for them.  If someone doesn't make money, they stop giving them money.  I think Uwe Boll needs to stop making video game movies.  If you watch them, it's obvious he has his own stories and ideas in mind, and that the pre-rendered worlds of gaming aren't for him.  He has, at very least, a creativity and passion that needs its own space to grow.  To say that he should never make another movie again for ever and ever no take-backs on a mass-public, commercially endorsed petition is childish and rude, if you ask me. Still, I'd be the first one crying if they handed him the Mega Man license and told him to have fun.

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity A resurrection with a purpose!  Dick at ya!

DrDetroit Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON Because that would educate me, and laws only know I need some education. I also think that there's some potential in an Actor-a-thon kind of deal, though anything you can pull off for 31 days is going to be pretty much an extensive filmography for most folks.  But, I think a Campbell-a-thon would be pretty much awesome, for example.

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