AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe
Posted on September 10th, 2008 in AbG FACEOFF!, Axel Night by Axel Night
Listen not to Internet Hype. Decide for yourselves! 80s animated army heroes square off. Chuck Norris and his Karate Kommandos face the Real American Heroes, G.I. Joe. Axel also tests out a new visual theme. Try it out. You might like it.
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Chuck Norris: Karate KommandosBefore he was the Internets’ staple icon for quantifying win, he was an animated commando, leading a crack team of Asian stereotypes against the forces of The Claw and Super Ninja. By his side was Tabe, expert sumo champ; Pepper, the sexy tech expert; Reed, his teenage apprentice; Kimo, the samurai; and Too Much, the obligatory spunky child. As is typical, Chuck Norris doesn’t fuck around. The series lasted all of five episodes. Even a Super Ninja can’t stand up to Chuck Norris for longer than that. |
G.I. Joe: A Real American HeroLead in the field by First Sergeant Conrad S. Hauser, aka Duke, G.I. Joe is the code name for America’s daring, highly trained special mission force. Its purpose: to defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. He never gives up; he’ll stay ’til the fight’s won. G.I. Joe will dare. G.I. Joe! (a real American hero) G.I. Joe! While each member of G.I. Joe is highly trained and a force in and of himself (or herself, as the lady Joes are each quite deadly), to begin listing off allies such as machinegunner Rock ‘n Roll, heavy artillery driver Cover Girl, communications officer Breaker, wild-man sailor Shipwreck, or counter-intelligence specialist Scarlett would barely scratch the surface of the Roster. |
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What are people saying about "AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe"?
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Brick Prior Re: AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe G.I. Joe also has Beach Head, the craziest bastard to ever train a Joe and wasn't scared of ANYTHING, not even Transylvania. "Who is this Vlad Tepes anyway? Ain't nobody afraid of no Vlad Tepes." Oh yeah, and he kicked the shit out of Lieutenant Falcon. Uh... G.I. Joe all the way. |
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Lord Tiberius Methadone Re: AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe An elite fighting force that also just so happened to be the greatest line of action figures of all time (well, one of the greatest- I'm sorry, Micronauts, I wasn't thinking, baby, you'll always be #1), versus a played out internet meme who nerdishly pimps the Total Gym and was responsible for one of the... less... spectacular... action figure lines* of the past few decades? Psh- cakewalk. Joe all the way! And yes, I know Chuck Norris is so bad his ass wipes itself and the lists of his exploits locks my brain in a triangle choke and bores it until it taps out, but c'mon now, let's look at facts here: In every movie, Chuck Norris gets his ass kicked once, only to come back and win at the end. Octagon, Lone Wolf McQuaid, Silent Rage, etc. It may not be as bad as Steven Segal, but it's still very formula. In one episode of GI Joe, Lady Jay got lava splattered on her face. Yes, it may've been hot pink lava, but it was still lava. LAVA. What did she do? Her and Flint LAUGHED while she wiped it off! Ignoring the... ahem... alleged subtext there? You can't get a better example of pure kickassitude than wiping MAGMA off of your UNMARRED FLESH. So, yeah- GI Joe in a walk. * I'll give props to the ninjas from the line, though- they looked swank, even if the purple one was apparently the bastard child of luchadore Psicosis and puro wrestler Jushin Lyger... or perhaps BECAUSE he was... |
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SaikyoCrusher Re: AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe Gonna go with G. I. Joe for this one. Even though Chuck Norris is awesome in real life, this is a cartoon where Imagination Chuck and his Fail Brigade fight against an evil organization composed of the suckiest ninjas to ever yell, shoot lasers, and wear a weird gear symbol on their chest. Not to mention being led by a guy that looks like a purple Deadpool in a wig. I mean come on, Super Ninja has got nothing on Cobra Commander. And now You know. And knowing is half the battle. (The other half is Violence.) G. I. Joe! |
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Othgar the Flamboyant Re: AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe lets see Joe was cool enough to get a movie...Chuck Norris got the bowflex. Joe won |
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Ethos Re: AbG FACEOFF! #11: Chuck Norris vs. G.I. Joe I have to go with Joe for realism, but if Chuck Norris functions like DND deity then he's obviously a Divine Rank 7. |
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