Last time, the courageous Otho and slightly less cool Urgug made it to the tournament finals!  Who will win the ultra-rare foil card, and will they uncover the evil corporate plot by Eildre to unleash Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living upon the unwashed masses?  Find out on the next Minigames!

 

You’re in for it now.  I play my ruby-eyed-demon-adamantine-dragon-lich.

YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!

There you guys are.  Have you seen Ingstone?  I can’t find him or the camera anywhere.

YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!

He’s passed out drunk in the break room.

What?  We don’t have a break room.

YU-GI-OH-OH-OH-OOOH!

He doesn’t know that.  I told him the janitor’s closet was a break room.  I thought if he decided to share his inner feelings with the floor, someone who isn’t me would have an easier time cleaning it up in there.

That’s almost considerate of you, Otho.

Go tell your diary, cuz I don’t want to hear it.  Alright, Urgug, you take a bazillion damage.

YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!

Is that the camera?

Yeah.  I’m taping our Yu-Gi-Oh tournament.  I’ve beaten Urgug in 27 consecutive matches.

YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!

Idiot.  Give me that.  We have a show to do.

Never!  I will not relinquish the chronicles of my empire’s glorious victory!

I’m going to chronicle your anus with a fireball if you don’t give me the camera.

Ouch!  Jeezas, my spleen!  Eildre, put down that chair.  You can’t just warn me and then beat me right away.  You have to at least give me time to OW!  Fine, take the damn thing!

*pant* Hello, I’m your hostess, Eildre, and welcome to Minigames.

You’re standing on my face!

YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!

 

 

On today’s episode of Minigames, we’ll be looking at Finny the Fish & the Seven Waters.  Since Ingstone is indisposed, I’ve asked Ashard to give the game a brief preplay for us, so we can have a synopsis.  Ashard?

This gibe will not go forgotten, wench.

Just describe the game, demon-boy.

In my centuries trolling the many planes, I have found very little better than a good sushi.  Nothing else takes the essence of consuming the flesh of lesser beings and raises it to such a cultural art form.  Finny the Fish & the Seven Waters is not the charming art of capturing raw deliciousness that the two companies involved, Sega and Natsume, have come to be reasonably known for.  Rather, players take the helm of a cartoony large-mouthed bass in his quest to save the seas from an ambiguous and easily forgotten force of darkness.  It’s a lot like global-warming that way.

Released in an E3 2005 stunned mid-year tandem to the king of sleepers, Psychonauts, Finny went beyond unnoticed.  This of course means it ended up in our library for under $10.  A situation I intend to remedy shortly.

Don’t you touch that game.

If you had said that several hours ago, I would be far better off.

Gather the party, Ashard.  We’re off to the lake for our review.

 

 

Controlling Finny takes practice. This waterfall requires carefully timed button taps and a bit of experimentation.

First up, Otho.

Your game sucks.  Your fish is stupid.  Review done.

And why does the game suck?

You play a retarded cartoon fish.  It’s stupid.  I can’t believe you made us stop Yu-Gi-Oh for this.

YU-GI-OH!

With its stupid cartoon dragons?

You hush your mouth, she-devil.  Do not speak of things you do not understand.  Yu-Gi-Oh is a game of strategy and cunning.  Finny swims around eating bait.  You swim around until you find things some other annoying character asked for, then you bring it back, all while eating things to not starve to death and trying to not get caught by larger fish or fishermen.  I’m sure it would have given Darwin a boner.

So, it’s a children’s game, then?

If your child has the twitch-skills of a Halo operative on meth, maybe.  Most of the game wasn’t very hard, but the controls aren’t simple.  The camera sucks polar bear cock.  And before you’re out of the tutorial, you’re already trying to learn to make jumps harder than cancerous balls.  For the first level, patience and exploration will eventually get you through, and can almost be fun.  But then you get to the second level, and you have to race your go-get-em quest items against the clock.  The kiddy style doesn’t appeal to a real gamer, and it’s too complicated for women or children.

Finny will have to face foes both above and below the water. If he finds his prey is a trap, he’ll have to break the line or throw the hook.  Any lure he breaks off is his to add to his collection (where he keeps that is anyone’s guess).

What did you say?

Did I stutter?

If women have such a hard time with games, then how come you still can’t beat me in Street Fighter?

Because you’re a cheap whore.  The spinning pile-driver is such a cheesy move.

Or maybe you just have the thumbs of a retarded walrus and can’t pull one off.

 

 

Oh god!  Urgug, that’s the main character!

Hallelujah!

Scrumptious.

Hopkins is the first of several over-the-top quest givers that you’ll encounter in your journey. There are many ambiguous things in this game. Hopkins isn’t one of them.

No!  You can’t eat the hero.

Why not?

He’s cute.

He’s frustrating.

He’s good over rice.

He has to save the seas!

Al Gore can save the world.  We spent several hours making sure this damn fish ate every couple of minutes.  Now it’s our turn.

What about the review?

It bites.  Ashard?

The target audience is too young while too experienced.  The game play is too easy and still too frustrating.  The length is way too short, yet feels like an eternity.  It is a paradoxical exercise in punishment.

Urgug?

Fishy!

There you have it.  A steamer barely fit for a light snack.  Fire up the grill, Ashard.  We’ll see you all next time on…

FIREBALL!

 

 

No one!  Steals.  My.  Lines.

That’s Finny the Fish, folks.  We’ll see you next time on Minigames.

Roll over, Ingstone.  I need the broom.

 

What are people saying about "Minigames - Finny the Fish & the Seven Waters (PS2)"?

Lord Tiberius Methadone Re: Minigames - Finny the Fish & the Seven Waters (PS2) Quote from: Axel Night on September 04, 2008, 11:10:32 AM Have you ever played this game before?  I know a palm full of miniatures that have. http://attackedbygorillas.com/2008/09/04/minigames-finny-the-fish-the-seven-waters-ps2/ Man, I think I'm going to print this out and threaten my assorted figs with it if I ever start doing tabletop again. "You see what happens to figures that fail their morale check?  Huh?  DO YOU?"

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