I’m Brick Prior, and I’m the best around.  Nothing’s gonna ever bring me down… except when I’m trapped in downtown Baltimore, surrounded by cosplayers, and low on gas.

That’s right, it’s Brick Prior versus Otakon after the jump!

REGISTRATION, OR: HOLY FUCK, I AM DUMB

Three hours.

Three hours in the sun.

Three hours in the sun hearing a debate about how anime can be racist, with the prime example being Mr. Popo in Dragon Ball Z, among other things.

I consider myself to be a patient man, but sometimes, oh sometimes, I lose my shit and tune out for a while… especially when I get to hear retarded discussions such as the one above.  So, armed with “Whiskey Sour” by J.A. Konrath and my iPod, I proceeded to try and answer the eternal question:

Why, exactly, am I here?

Specifically, I was in Baltimore for Otakon 2008.  I was running off of four hours sleep and a hastily chugged Red Bull, not to mention the prospect of all the goodies I’d find in the dealers’ room.  The sun was out and did not like me much.  There were far too many people for my liking.  What happened to the small conventions?  Where was the camaraderie among fans?  Why the fuck was everyone yelling so damn much?

I FELT OLD.

HOTELS, OR: DRIED SQUID IS AN AWESOME SNACK

Nothing beats the time Kenzan flipped over a mattress in a fit of well-deserved anger only to find an awesome shit stain streaked on it.

With that said, hotel rooms are a mixed bag.  Sometimes you get a good one, and other times you’re forced to build a fort out of various cushions and pillows in order to express your anger at the conditions of the hotel in general (or, the small fact that you had to buy a goddamn TV from Walmart because the Days Inn is a piece of shit that uses Grandpa Brand TVs with no A/V jacks).  Sometimes hotel staff leaves you alone, or they call some piece of shit independent security officer to bang on your door and toss out a couple of racial slurs (“What do YOU mean by ’you  people’) in order to get some other guests to quiet down… intimidation by social osmosis, or some such. 

THE VIDEO GAME ROOM, OR: USE SOME GODDAMN DEODORANT, PEOPLE

When I wake up, I don’t put on my makeup or say a little prayer for you- I wash myself.  I also use deodorant.  This especially helps at conventions, as I don’t feel the need to add to the mass of funk walking around the premises. 

Speaking of walking, have you ever noticed that most people cannot walk in a crowd properly?  This is especially true at conventions- you always get stuck behind the slow person that shuffles and stops randomly when they walk.  You cut around them, and almost get run over by a squeeing girl who’s freaking out about some dude who looks like a chick in a Final Fantasy costume that wasn’t meant to be seen outside of a video game.  The Squee-er looks at you like you fucked up and shouldn’t exist due to the fact that you just wanted to get where you were going in a hurry, and you just wanna kick her in the shins.  Instead,  you just stand there and become one of the slow people who can’t walk in a crowd, as someone else is getting pissed and trying to get around you so they can get where they want to go. 

Life is funny like that.

I decided to torture amuse myself by cuing up my iPod to play “Epic” by Faith No More when I walked into the video gaming room.  Sadly, there was no Street Fighter IV to be found- I was hoping that Otakon would have that kinda pull to snag a machine or six, but no dice.  So, I settled for some Soul Calibur IV,and picked Ivy, going for the non boob meat route and using her “conservative” costume that makes her look like a classy whore rather than the rampant milkshake action that her normal outfit suggests.

What can I say- I’m considerate when it comes to my fighting games.

Needless to say, I promptly got my ass beat thanks to that whore Mitsurugi.  I forgot to hold block, you see.

With my humiliation quotient for the day filling up, I took a walk around the room- no standup arcade machines of any kind, so there was going to be no Capcom’s Alien vs. Predator action (except if I ran back to my room and fired it up on my laptop, which I debated briefly because there was alcohol there) which made me sad.  Video game rooms at cons are an extension of the personalities that inhabit them- twitchy folks play shooters, spammers do nothing but sweep you in Street Fighter and do awkward fist pumps when they magically beat you, and the real violent motherfuckers are drooling while playing Halo 3 or Call of Duty IV and virtually shooting you in the face.

I proceeded to play a little game called “Brick Prior’s Social Revenge” by returning to Soul Calibur IV and initiating this exchange.

Right before the match begins:

Mitsurugi Dude:  You know how to use Ivy?

Me:  DICK AT YA!

He was stunned briefly.

I still lost.

I consoled myself by realizing that I own most of what was being played in the gaming setup, and resolved to save my money to get a new TV so I can game in style at home.

At least there, if I don’t wear deodorant no one will care.

THE DEALER’S ROOM, OR: HARUHI SUZUMIYA, STOP POINTING AT ME

I’m not current when it comes to anime.  My favorite anime movie of all time is “Street Fighter: The Animated Movie” for its buttrock score and traditional hand drawn animation.  I made it through the bulk of my high school years watching a bootleg VHS tape of the first two seasons of “Ranma ½”, and I absolutely fucking hate “Naruto”.  I don’t know what “Code Geass” is about, but someone told me that “Claymore” was like “Berserk” with a chick, so I am definitely all up ins.

NOTE: “ Berserk” has the distinction of being the only anime that I have literally screamed at the TV once the final episode was over.

However, I do like “The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya”… or at least I did until that dumb broad kept pointing at me.

Here’s the deal:  Otakon’s dealers’ room this year was fucking huge.  A lot of the distribution folks (Funimation, BANDAI, Your Mom Because She Distributes That Fruit Booty)  get a lot of space to peddle their wares,  so they go all out with video presentations, banners, and dragons.  BANDAI decided to greet everyone with a banner of Haruhi pointing at you like the psychotic little child she is (seriously, she’s psychotic- who believes in aliens and espers anyway?  I DON’T BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN SATEN.), and I got sick and tired of it.  All that goddamn pointing ain’t nice.  I staggered around, overwhelmed by the amount of dealers that blatantly offered yuri and yaoi items.  A long, long time ago in a fandom far, far away, no one spoke of those things- now, it’s hip to cosplay something from Square due to the fact that you might just look like Mickey Free from Shalimar.

Oh, and talk about rodgering some near underage ruby starfruit while you nonchalantly peruse Kanon DVDs.

But I’m not judging anyone…

COSPLAYERS, OR: HEY YOU, STOP POSING FOR PICTURES ‘CUZ I’M WALKING HERE

There’s not much I can say about cosplayers. 

Some are good. 

Some are not.

Some should be shot.

You know who you are.

THE END, OR: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

I dunno, Buffy- just get that scythe out of my face.

Otakon was a mixed bag- while I did enjoy the particular group of folks that I roomed with (hooray!), the actual programming left a bit to be desired.  Gone are the days of legit programming surprises at a con- the bulk of video programming is licensed material that is readily available or flat out old school stuff that old fogeys like me enjoy and can watch on DVD at home.  I, as always, look forward to a day where the fabled 18-and-older convention is unleashed on the anime fandom world, and not for the adult programming… it’s so that folks will legitimately understand and sympathize when I’d like to take a nap.

Or some such.

Until then, I will rest, rejuvenate, and get ready…

Nekocon is right around the corner.

Brick Prior lives in a shack, wields a mighty Great Sword and does his best to protect the innocent. He fails a lot at the latter.

What are people saying about "Otakon 2K8"?

SaikyoCrusher Re: Otakon 2K8 Tread carefully dude, them peoples are a little fucked up.

Brick Prior Re: Otakon 2K8 Gonna use this as an update thread since I don't wanna clutter the front page. Twenty thousand last year, definitely more this year due to the damn-near-three hours I spent in the reg line today- yeah, no more of that shit for me ever.  Pre-reg for me from now on, damn it. For con-goers, the panels look like the same old stuff, although I might hit up the "Henshin Heroes" panel later this (Saturday) morning just to see if they talk about any of the Japanese tokusatsu movies that hit this weekend (both Kamen Rider Kiva and Engine Sentai Go-Onger have movies being released, although it's still a niche thing here... but I did find some Kiva merch that I might pick up).  Otakon has a lot of pull these days, so I asked if SF4 was in the video game room- no dice, apparently.  I might just hit it up anyway to spam the Aliens vs. Predator machine if they have one this year. All in all, it's a good time among friends. But! As the front page will display within the next week, my stance on fandom is becoming something frightening, and maybe that's due to the ages involved in all of these con shenanigans...

Brick Prior Re: Otakon 2K8 Missed the Henshin Heroes panel due to making a fort on the floor where I slept in order to conserve body heat early this morning.  The dealers' room is still fucking ricockulous.  I will report more on the front page sometime on Monday, but for now- wait, hold on... THERE BE A LADY IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM! Interesting. Anyway, more later if I manage not to fall and put myself through a table.

Axel Night Re: Otakon 2K8 Knowing the women I do, I've learned that a small circle of women have embraced the men's bathroom as a shortcut past the often massive lines their gender are prone to creating in their own facilities.  They've learned that very few, if any, men will complain about a woman in their bathroom, despite the fact that almost no woman will allow a male in theirs.

Brick Prior Re: Otakon 2K8 Me and your daughter got something going on | You say it's full blown, I say it's puppy love | Hope that we feel this, feel this way forever | But if she ever leaves me then I'm gonna have to cut her ...I never said I was sane, you know.

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