To paraphrase a wise man:  have you ever met a girl and you thought she was dope, and you wanted to buy her popcorn and a medium Coke? 

Not me, ‘cuz movie popcorn is fucking expensive, and if I’m dropping duckets on a lady then she deserves the BEST, not kooky kernels slathered in someone else’s butter.

That’s right- she gets a trip to Five Guys.  And afterwards?  I set up the dinner tray at the pad and cue up “Demons” so she can watch the exploits of Tony the Pimp.

I’m kidding … OR AM I?

CRAP, IT IS OFFICIAL

So, ‘fanboy’ became an official word last week.  I have a strong belief that anytime a “undefined” word becomes “real”, then it’s time to stop using it… not to mention the fact that I don’t know who the hell would legitimately want to be called a “fanboy” in this day and age.  Seems more like a prison term for someone who claps gleefully when he unwillingly gets it up the pooper in the showers after making that racist comment in the yard on Tuesday than a term of endearment, but that’s just how I see it.  Can’t we all just be “fans”?  More importantly, can we all just “like stuff”?  Do I really want another label forcefully attached to my social persona that will do nothing but ostracize me from all the “cool kids” in the “clubs”.  Case in point, imagine the response if one would say this:

“ALL THE GIRLS STANDING IN THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM- I’m a fanboy; can I buy you a DRRRNK?”

See?

It doesn’t work.

GET YOUR EMPIRE STRIKES BACK AND GODFATHER PART 2 COMPARISONS OUT OF MY DARK KNIGHT HYPE

In case you didn’t know, “The Dark Knight” comes out on this Friday- if you want to be technical, there’s probably a midnight showing on Thursday… and if you want to be even MORE technical, I can find a dude on the Metro that’s selling it for five dollars by Wednesday night.  Now, the big thing about TDK is the hype- is it going to be the greatest movie of the summer?  Will this get Heath Ledger a posthumous Oscar?  Is it really at the level of an “Empire Strikes Back” or a “Godfather Part 2”?  While the first two questions will be debated until the Big Studios start cranking out their Oscar fare this fall, the latter comparison doesn’t quite deserve to be trotted out just yet… or ever, for that matter.  Question!  Why is it that whenever someone decides to bump their “series” of movies into a “trilogy” and make a middle movie (one day I will properly explain this theory and how it’s killing your cinematic father, Larry), someone always invokes either ESB or Godfather 2 to compare and inadvertently taints the newer work for what it really is?  Shouldn’t the potential Really Fucking Good Movie be able to stand on its own and not get immediately put up against two seminal works of film?  Can we have a moratorium on busting out any ESB or Godfather comparisons to movies?  Actually, let’s go one step further- let us never speak of those two movies again unless it’s in a Godfather or Star Wars related context; if I’m going to see a Batman movie, I’m not thinking about lightsabers or the Five Families (unless Rupert Thorne’s involved… then you can’t avoid it due to the mob factor… but one can dream!), I want to see Batman do his thing.

So, yeah- I’m excited for The Dark Knight because it’s BATMAN… and that’s all that we should be thinking about when we see it, in my humble Internet opinion.

SIDENOTE:  The Empire Strikes Back is an awesome movie to get drunk to.  By the time everyone gets to Cloud City, you’re busy wondering how the fuck it’s CLOUD CITY (“A city in the clouds?  UHHHHH where’s the angels and shit?” ) and how Luke can fall so far and not pass out in the process.  Seriously- did you know that DEATH VIA FALLING happens during the falling part and not when you hit the ground?  It’s due to shock, or some such.

SPEAKING OF STAR WARS…

Soooooo, I was watching the trailers before Hellboy 2 (awesome movie, go see it) and the trailer for The Clone Wars came on.  For those of you that don’t know, The Clone Wars is a CGI movie that bridges the gap between Episodes 2 and 3 and shows Anakin Skywalker fighting… stuff.  Forgive my lack of enthusiasm or descriptive prose, because what I really want to say is…

I don’t care about Star Wars anymore.

I know- blasphemy, right?  How can a guy who is completely enamored with giant robots and fighting and spaceships and shit like that not give a crap about Star Wars?  Well, it’s simple- the magic is gone.  The franchise has treaded the same goddamned water for almost fifteen years now, and there’s no sign of it moving on at all.   For fuck’s sake, they even screwed up Darth “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Vader- how does something like THAT happen?  Give me story, not special effects!  Am I getting old and cantankerous now?!

HELP ME.  I’m serious.

TOO MANY GODDAMNED GAMES

I went on a bit of a buying spree thanks to various sales and steady paychecks, and… holy shit, I have no time to play all these video games… so, for the first time ever, here are some of Brick Prior’s Patented Reviews:

NINJA GAIDEN 2:  Sweet Jesus, look at all this bloo- FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK THIS GAME IS HARD!  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOW!  MORE BLOOD!

UNREAL TOURNAMENT 3:  I can’t see shit and I shot a door thinking it was a large, wide, unmoving  person.  Time to adjust the brighten- GIBBED.

And, an advance review (I have the power to predict my own responses, you see):

SOULCALIBUR IV:  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T UNLOCK THE PARTS TO CREATE MYSELF IN THIS DAMN GA- WHY IS YODA IN MY SOULCALIBUR!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK! FUCK!  I CAN’T ESCAPE GODDAMNED STAR WARS!

UPCOMING SHIT

SPACED IS COMING OUT ON DVD BUY THAT SHIT.

"The Dark Knight" is out on Friday, as previously mentioned earlier in this rant.

Namco Presents:  Here’s Some More Star Wars For That Ass aka Soulcalibur IV comes out on July 29^th for the Xbox 360 and the PS3.

SIDENOTE:  I was going to pick up supplies for late July’s “Brick Goes Nuts And Watches A Bunch of British Sitcoms In One Night” funfest, but I needed a ride since my sneakers can’t get me to the mall all by their lonesome for fear of major blisters.   Anyway, I had to recruit everyone’s favorite Canadian entertainment dealer, Ymir.  Would you believe that Ymir’s favorite song is “Metalingus” by Alter Bridge? It’s all he plays in his car.  All the time.  You ever see someone eat boiled peanuts and mouth the words to that song?  Fucking disgusting yet oddly badass, I tell you.  Oh, and Ymir also “volunteered” to sit in on the marathon and provide his own perspective, so… look out for that.

COLONEL BRICK PRIOR HOLLA AT YOUR BOY I GETS MONEY I GOT ME SOME NUNCHUKS.

In the meantime, in between time- we fry ‘em, you dry ‘em, you pop ‘em, we lock ‘em.

In other words… that’s a complicated way of saying “bye”.  Until next time!

What are people saying about "Boogity Boogity Boogity"?

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity It's been a while. #3. Enjoy!

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity #4... wait, #5?!  Hold on #6?!  JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Ethos Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity I agree with you 100% I would have loved Blood Rayne, if this was how the movie was Quote from: Axel Night on June 30, 2008, 12:08:54 PM I'll start by saying I only hold a grudge against Uwe Boll for Blood Rayne.  Not because it was a bad movie.  It was a bad movie.  I like bad movies.  I watch some stupid shit.  It's that he made the wrong bad movie.  Blood Rayne should have been a cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  Uwe Boll just made the wrong cheesy, gratuitous B movie.  I want Rayne to puff out her barely-clad chest, lop off a Nazi's head while doing a crotch-exposing flip, then say a corny one-liner in a sultry tone.  I want a flat (only in the literary sense) character who's only emotions are rage and sex, who's closest mortal human trait is that she grunts erotically when she gets hurt at key plot-points designed to build tension.  I want her to fight zombies for no reason.  I want her to solo a tank in the confines of a German castle, without asking how it got there.  And when she is standing, dripping with sweat, amidst a pile of bloodied corpses, when the glorious, totally unrealistic violence may just be desensitizing me to anything else that could possibly be thrown my way, THAT is when we put in the randomly unnecessary sex scene with the otherwise unimportant character who was not in the games. Yes, I had hopes that Blood Rayne would be like countless other bad movies.  I had wanted it to only vaguely follow the small spattering of story the games had as a vehicle to poorly acted, low-budget sex and violence, and I was let down.  And I hated him for it. But, in many other respects, I stand behind Uwe Boll.  First off, I have seen interviews with him as well as read/watched comments by people who have met him.  The man has a deep passion for making movies.  He absolutely loves what he does.  For the most part, his name has been attached to the word "suck" because the movies he has wanted to make have been attached to video game licenses without really supporting the plot and feel of what are essentially pre-manufactured stories in need of a special kind of care to please an audience who, like my rant above, already know what they want to see before they see it.  Add in that it's an audience of young, opinionated Internet users, and you have a recipe for disaster. While I don't like his movies, mainly for those reasons, I refuse to buy into this petition hype.  I think it's pretentious and a downright shitty way to treat a human-being.  If you don't like someone's movies, you stop paying for them.  If someone doesn't make money, they stop giving them money.  I think Uwe Boll needs to stop making video game movies.  If you watch them, it's obvious he has his own stories and ideas in mind, and that the pre-rendered worlds of gaming aren't for him.  He has, at very least, a creativity and passion that needs its own space to grow.  To say that he should never make another movie again for ever and ever no take-backs on a mass-public, commercially endorsed petition is childish and rude, if you ask me. Still, I'd be the first one crying if they handed him the Mega Man license and told him to have fun.

Brick Prior Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity A resurrection with a purpose!  Dick at ya!

DrDetroit Re: Boogity Boogity Boogity SHAW-A-DAY-A-THON Because that would educate me, and laws only know I need some education. I also think that there's some potential in an Actor-a-thon kind of deal, though anything you can pull off for 31 days is going to be pretty much an extensive filmography for most folks.  But, I think a Campbell-a-thon would be pretty much awesome, for example.

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