COLUMBO

Potentially the best detective ever, Lieutenant Columbo’s bumbling, slow-witted appearance had the criminal masterminds of Los Angeles lining up to turn themselves in.  A master of interrogating his suspects without them even knowing it, it would seem that his barrage of inane and seemingly worthless questions had served no purpose, only for him to excuse himself politely, leave, then pause at the door.  When he delivered his signature "one more thing," you knew the bullet that sealed the case was coming, and all the filthy murderer could do was walk right into it.

In his years as a detective, he has put away such horrible criminals as Dick Van Dyke, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and the infamous Johnny Cash.  But can he tell us Where in the World is…

CARMEN SANDIEGO

The world’s greatest thief and the only person who looks better in a trench coat than Columbo, this woman had the balls to up and steal major national monuments, just because she could.  So why is it they only ever sent kids after her?  In her quest to steal the strangest of artifacts, Ms. Sandiego traveled across the US, Europe, The World^(TM), and even though Time and Space.  Perhaps she could have even gotten away with it too, if she didn’t feel the need to purposely bait her pursuers with clues.  Of course, you could always just shake down one of her many goons.

Does the Lieutenant have what it takes to give him the edge over prepubescent school-children, or does this world-class hottie travel just a little out of his jurisdiction?