In this world, there are things that defy logic, such as Nick Cannon’s career or Prince rapping. Under normal circumstances, we ignore such happenings, but sometimes… sometimes, there are things that make you go “What the WHAT?!”

Today’s subject: “Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe”

Ten dollars says that thirteen years ago, this would have been an "awesome" idea. Superman had been beaten to a bloody pulp and killed by Doomsday, Batman had his back broken by drug-injecting freak of nature named Bane and summarily replaced by a soon-to-be crazed Bat-lunatic named Azrael, and Hal Jordan aka Green Lantern became EEEEEEEEEVIL to sell some books and ruined decades of comic book goodwill in the process. Wonder Woman was not important one bit… oh, and she was replaced as “Wonder Woman” as well.

Small universe, that universe is.

Mortal Kombat, on the other hand, was awesome. Mullets weren’t all that bad yet- folks in arcades had them , so they were somewhat okay. There was a Mortal Kombat movie out, and it had that “MORTAAAAAAAAAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAAAT” song we all heard on the radio in it (at least I did… come on, I wasn’t the only one), so it was a moderately good video game adaptation considering the source material. Fatalities were fun. Getting cheesed by the computer sucked (I WAS HOLDING BLOCK), but… long story short, life was good.

However!

It is the year 2008. Superman has taken up crying on Wonder Woman’s bosom in his past time (NOTE: This is not true, canonically speaking. However, if you look at the promotional material for a few of DC’s major events over the past couple of years, it is true… but only in a promotional fashion. Fictional bosom-crying is underrated.). Batman’s social status has been downgraded from “uber-dick” to “mild douche”. Hal Jordan rocks now due to fighting a rainbow spectrum toting assortment of other Lanterns month after month after month. Wonder Woman is slowly becoming important again thanks to her book coming out on time after delays up the wazoo.

On the flipside, Mortal Kombat hasn’t been important in YEARS.

Sure, its longevity as a franchise can’t be trifled with- but compared with gamers’ main fighting staples (Street Fighter, Tekken, Guilty Gear, Soul Calibur, Your Favorite Goes Here, etc), it lost its luster a long time ago. After some middling promise with Mortal Kombat: Deception, Midway horrifically crapped on gamers’ expectations with Mortal Kombat Armageddeon- character specific fatalities were gone, what was passing as the Mortal Kombat Story To End Mortal Kombat As We Know It sucked ass (READ: they fight a lot thanks to a fire demon on top of a pyramid), and fans of the franchise were feeling just a smidge abandoned.

Then, this announcement hits… and even with teaser footage, people still can’t believe that someone gave this project the greenlight.

Ouch.

Just… ouch.

In the end, I’m all for good games. I don’t like rehashes, WWII shooters, or playing Halo with 12 year olds that somehow manage to call me a “fucknugget” without their voice cracking… and what I hate the most are Obvious Cash Cows like this. I’m sorry, but gamers don’t benefit from this; this does nothing except print easy money for Midway and DC. Now, I know what you’re thinking:

“Brick, is it really that bad?”

YES, IT IS.

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