In 1982, David Hasselhoff climbed into a talking Firebird and made some people boat loads of money. After a four year run, the series hung up the turbo boost and called it a Knight. But like Dracula, this lord of the Knight rose from its grave again and again with a repeated series of failures longer than the line at a German Hasselhoff concert. (Seriously, they love that guy.) One such zombie came out in 1988 for the NES for a Knight of the Living Crap. (Honest, I’ll stop making that pun now.)
I just got up from watching the latest reincarnation of Knight Rider, since it aired after the American Gladiators finale (which was awesome, even if there was a bit too much talking, not enough slamming). I don’t really know what to say. Scratch that, I have lots to say. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on February 18th, 2008 in Axel Night, TV by Axel Night
Some people write reviews of current movies, but I am not one of them as of yet. Since I constantly try to learn from history, I like to dwell on what came before and learn from my cinematic watching mistakes. What you are about to read is the first in a multi-part series of me confronting my movie-watching past and hating myself for it. What I will discuss is for you and you alone. Don’t be like me. Don’t watch things you’ll regret in the future.
Enjoy!
Posted on February 17th, 2008 in Brick Prior, Brick Prior Versus..., Movies by Brick Prior
Onward with the history of man, this lesson comes from a past article I wrote once upon a late night. If I had morals, I’d feel bad giving you recycled content. What? Don’t look at me like that. You’ve never read it. I’m doing you a favor.
Posted on February 17th, 2008 in Axel Night, Miscellaneous by Axel Night
During World War II, many men were captured in POW camps. We’ll call these men employees, and these camps work. It was the job of the Nazi Germans, here by known as managers, who ran these works to keep the employees from escaping unnoticed into the freedom of the outside world, which will now be referred to as the Internet. When employees attempted to escape work into the Internet, the managers would see them and shoot them, referenced in this article as being chewed out or fired by a Nazi, controlling ass-hat. To avoid being Nazi, controlling ass-hatted, the employees devised a way to get into the Internet unnoticed, called a tunnel, or a tunnel. In order to aid our lost men and women, chained to desks by the Third Reich, I present a tutorial on digging tunnels to the Internet. Use at your own risk, for I am not responsible for any ass-hattery you may receive as a result of being caught.
Posted on February 5th, 2008 in Axel Night, Technology by Axel Night
We met when we were young, on the move. You told me your name was Final Fantasy. We both knew it was a lie, but it was fun to pretend. You couldn’t have known then that I loved you for who you were, and didn’t need to be anything but yourself. When we settled down, you told me your real name, Secret of Mana, and we became inseparable. You did some things behind my back in Japan, a sequel that never came here, but thanks to some translators and ROM hackers, I was able to enjoy this side of you. And when you became a Legend, you became my one true love. It was because of this, I was blinded to all the signs that you would go on to hurt me repeatedly.
I ramble on about a game series I loved as a child, and wonder where my love for it went, if you so wish to share with me.
Posted on February 4th, 2008 in Axel Night, Video Games by Axel Night
Not everybody knows everything. This is a cold reality of the life we lead, that in spite of our constant hunger for knowledge, we will never know everything. However, knowing something doesn’t necessarily mean you understand it. I’d like to think that I am a knowledgeable sort, but there’s a few things in life I simply don’t understand. If you’d like to read some of them, venture below the jump and see if you can help me out.
Posted on February 1st, 2008 in Kenzan, Miscellaneous by Sasha Kenzan