Posted on November 29th, 2007 in Brick Prior, Food, Kenzan by Sasha Kenzan

For those of you who haven’t been to the beer sections of your grocery/convenience store lately, you may not have heard of a horrifying concoction called Chelada. Chelada is a product put out by Anheuser-Busch that mixes together beer and Clamato, which is tomato juice with clam extract. There are two different variants, Budweiser and Bud Light. As soon as we at AbG saw this nightmare, we knew we had to review it. The only question was… who? I don’t drink alcohol, plus I had tried the Clamato energy drink, so I refused. Axel also refused, citing general taste. So that left us down to poor Brick Prior, who lost an AbG-sanctioned vote (Axel and I voted for him, obviously). Fortunately, several of our brave forum members, and even some non-board members, joined along for the ride. You can, too, after the jump. (Warning; post-jump, the article is image-heavy! Dial-up users, you’ve been warned!)

(Sorry for the poor picture quality; we spent our budget on clam-infused tomato juice beer.)

 

Here, we see Brick with the demon drink. You can tell by the look on his face that he is clearly not happy. However, this is when the POWER! of the AbG forums came to life, as two board members decided to join in… solid_spike and Krotch!

Oh, these poor, brave souls. If you notice, Spike and Krotch seem enthused about the idea, but Brick seems sure of the horrors that await.

All three manly men took a hearty swig, with the rest of the room waiting in eager anticipation. We would soon find out the opinion of the beverage.

The pictures seem to tell the story here. Brick appears to by biting his hand to distract himself from the pain of the beverage (either that, or he just doesn’t want to vomit). Spike took out his frustrations by flipping off the camera, and Krotch merely wanted to cry. Now, you’d think this would be enough… but more volunteered for the ridiculous task of imbibing this devil’s brew.

From left to right, we have forum member SaikyoCrusherand two non-forumgoers, Glenn (Saikyo’s brother) and Richie. If you notice a pattern in the article here, it’s unintentional… Saikyo seems worried, while Glenn and Richie seem intrigued. Let’s go to the drinking and find out the results.

Now, for every single person in the world, there are varying tastes, which is why I’m glad we didn’t just have Brick try this monstrosity. Let’s see what our next three thought.

Well, that’s not very encouraging for this product. Both Saikyo and Glenn were visibly disgusted, and Richie took to screaming into the abyss to try and tell us of his Chelada torment. Still, we had three more determined to try and tame the tomato-y beast…

Above, we see three forum members. From left to right, they are Ryo, who clearly seems afraid of what lies before her, Architect of Awesome, who likes trying new things and is excited of the prospects, and GromMogar, who just likes the taste of aluminum. Allez cuisine!

Unless this drink is the spunk of Satan, there’s no way that all nine of our taste testers could all hate this beverage. Let’s see what happens with these three.

These pictures tell an interesting story. Ryo is clearly disgusted. The Architect is not in favor of the beverage, refusing to look directly at the camera to share his torment with the world. Grom, on the other hand, merely shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t disgusted by the product. In fact, he had an idea, much to the revulsion of most in the room.

He took his bottle of Vanilla Coke and mixed it with the Chelada. Half the room choked back their vomit. For the official verdict, let’s go to the Joelometer.

We didn’t get a unanimous decision, but eight out of nine is overwhelming enough for us to declare this beverage as the opposite of good. Let’s let Brick weigh in with his official thoughts on the subject…


 

"You know, as a founder of the site, I shouldn’t have to do any stupid shit whatsoever… however, this is what happens when you’re ‘outvoted’. Because of this ‘drink’, I am boycotting all Budweiser products, and suggesting that you all do the same. Tell your mom to boycott too. It’s twelve ounces of bile mixed with whatthefuck- er, I mean clam extract. Yeah, ‘extract’. They aren’t even decent enough to make the garbage with clam ‘juice’, no- because Budweiser hates you, they made it with clam extract. Think about that for a while. The pics don’t lie, by the way- it did feel like Satan shat liquid poop into my nose. It fucked my whole day and night up. I had nightmares after one sip. Stay away from it, please. My hate for this drink is contagious, so read this, think of me, and go kick a puppy due to your now shared hatred for Chelada. I will have my revenge, Budweiser… just you wait."

 


I think he’s mad at us. So avoid it, won’t you?

 

What are people saying about "Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece"?

Krotch
Re: Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece

Chelada = Bad  Sad
Axel Night
Re: Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece

As promised, those who took part in this little disaster have earned your Chelada badge...

Wear it under your profile with pride.
GromMogar
Re: Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece

I dont know what the hell you baby's are crying about, it wasnt bad. kinda like tomato soup booze. i wont buy it due to the fact that it cost to fucking much, but you guy's are welcome to buy me more if you enjoy choaking lmao
Shastar
Re: Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece

Expect a video blog of my own experiment on this soon...
Axel Night
Re: Chelada: A Food Mashup Disasterpiece

You are required to consume it on camera to qualify as a card carrying AbG Chelada victim.  There is prestige in masochism.

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