Posted on October 27th, 2007 in Food, Kenzan by Sasha Kenzan

It seems that, when it comes to foodstuffs, the second I latch onto a snack food that I like means the instant doom of the product brand. There have been several goods that I’ve liked that have vanished into thin air, and while I know it’s the nature of economics and marketing, that still doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy reminiscing about various foods that have long gone asunder. Read more after the jump.


(It should be noted that none of these images are mine, but I forgot where I claimed most of them from. If you recognize them as your own, please e-mail me at kenzan@attackedbygorillas.com and I’ll make sure you get the credit you deserve.)


Thanks to colawp.com!

CHERRY ROYAL CROWN COLA

Anyone that knows me somewhat well knows that I am a big fan of cherry colas. They are all that is right and good with the world of soda drinking and it’s part of the reason why I can’t seem to fully give the damn things up. Cherry RC first hit Parts Unknown, Virginia in 1997, and there was much rejoicing. Cherry Coke was starting to lose it’s edge and Wild Cherry Pepsi just felt lacking (this was before the recent reformulation, which turned it into awesomeness). However, either my local bottler just doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t loved me since 1997, or they just think that I must not enjoy the taste sensation that was Cherry RC. I really haven’t been able to track down a reliable source anywhere, but the official Royal Crown webpage says it still exists. I guess I’m not worthy.


BONKERS

Do I really need to explain how awesome Bonkers were to everyone? Starburst wishes they were as great as Bonkers. I guess, as a substitute, Starburst is acceptable, but nothing can make up for the fact that Bonkers no longer exists in my eyes… well, in it’s original form, at least. Someone has apparently picked up the trademark and producing these cheap knockoff Bonkers that are, in a word, gross. Some folks wish the real Bonkers were back instead of a pale imitation that tastes like bland and stale taffy.


GUACAMOLE DORITOS

For some reason, Frito Lay seems fond of experimenting with their Doritos brand but, whenever it comes to something closely associated with tortillas, they tend to drop the ball. Taco Supreme Doritos, complete with Taco Bell branding, was one flavor that disappeared (only to reemerge in some areas as "Taco Doritos", but damned if I can get them here), but nothing compares, in my eyes, to Guacamole Doritos. The last time I saw these on the shelf was in 2005, when they were rebranded as Kryptonite Doritos as part of the Superman Returns marketing frenzy to try and disguise the fact that the movie was a festering bowl of dog snot. Why did you go, Guacamole Doritos? Flavor Rush chips I understand, since those things were horrible, but I demand a reason as to why these were removed. Aside from the fact that I might’ve been the only one buying them, that is.


Thanks to bevnet.com!

MISTIC ZOTICS – YUZU FRUIT & FRUITOPIA – BEACHSIDE BLAST

Okay, so these were probably one percent actual juice and I’m pretty sure it was artificially sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, but really, unless you’re actually in the juice aisle, do you actually expect nutrition from these things? The important thing was that they were tasty. The Zotics flavor was actually more orange, carrot, and pear than actual yuzu fruit but, really, these things were sold for $1.19 a bottle. It was a necessary evil. Beachside Blast was my beverage of choice in 2001… I think it actually turned my urine blue at one point. (NOTE: In case Coca-Cola’s lawyers are reading this, I have no proof of that statement. Unless you’re willing to offer me money, in which case, let me direct you to my well-hidden jars…)


P.B. MAX

Just watch the video and feel your cholesterol levels raise. That’s a lot of peanut butter in one candy bar. Now remember that these have been off shelves for almost fifteen years, and you can feel those levels go down again. There really hasn’t been a peanut butter candy like this since it disappeared, just for the simple fact that they actually did use real peanut butter instead of the stuff you normally find in, say, a Reese’s cup. Not to say Reese’s is bad, just that a lot of candy companies try to imitate Reese’s when they could be doing this glorious piece of awesomeness.


I left out a lot of things here, such as the holy Ecto Cooler and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pudding pies, but you can find those at X-Entertainment (and really, Matt covered it better than I could anyway). However, if there’s something you miss, feel free to bring it up in our forums! We can reminisce together.

What are people saying about "The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely"?

Namako Team
Re: The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely

Aww, you had to go and bring up Fruitopia, didn't you.  I miss that stuff so.  ODU used to have vending machines of everywhere and then they suddenly vanished.  I loved Beachside Blast and that Cherry Vanilla one.  So good!

How did I miss out on the Guacamole Dorito's?  Shenanigans, I say.  I'm kind of miffed that their Flavor X-10 or whatever was so limited, and when I got to try I was sick and therefore couldn't completely enjoy the flavor.  From what I recall, it was good.  Who knew cheeseburger-flavored chips would be so awesome?  I'm also mad about their getting rid of Sonic Sour Cream many years ago.  Holy crap, those were great.

Finally, Dill Pickle Lays and Reese's Cookie Cups.  We hardly knew ye.
Shastar
Re: The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely

well, to be fair, the dorito's X-13D chips, they were all right the first try, but they quickly lost their appeal to me.
Sasha Kenzan
Re: The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely

Wait, Dill Pickle Lay's are gone?  Since when?  Was I in a cocoon?
Silent Bob
Re: The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely

I agree with Matt at X-Entertainment.  I miss Holiday Spice Pepsi and Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

And man, did I love PB Max.  After the first time I ate one of those, it was "Reese's who?"
Sasha Kenzan
Re: The Snack Aisle Seems So Lonely

Pepsi Holiday Spice was a beverage too good for us mere mortals.  It is, truly, the drink of the immortals.

Instead, what we get is Pepsi Summer Mix.  Ugh.

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