DISCLAIMER: The following rant for and sometimes against comic books (and for one time only, anything else that doesn’t involve comics) has been rated MA for Mature Audiences only.
Due to the fact that Brick Prior loses control of his use of profanity, morals, and derogatory expressions concerning new number one issues of existing properties and stupid entertainment properties in general, reader discretion is advised.
Imagine that you are attacked by pirates and ninjas at the same time! There is no gas in your chainsaw, and you’re all out of shotgun shells- what do you do? You hop in your DeLorean, head back in time, and wipe out the pirates and the ninjas before they can come to power! A job well done, right? NO! You’ve returned to the present and… what’s this on the horizon?!
PSYCHOTIC PAPER CUTTING HIPPIES!
I’m Brick Prior and this has been my mission for the past three days. If I don’t survive, I’m going to need you to take up my sword and shield… but who, you ask, is worthy?
No one!
I will survive, in fact, I have because I’m currently writing this right now! It’s good timing too, because this is a special Mid-Week Comics Mash-Up!
Still here? Good- let’s get caught up!
Kids’ WB is Gone Baby, Gone
It’s hard out there for pimps, and it’s also hard out there for animation fans. Whenever someone gives me hell about watching cartoons, my eyes threaten to jump out of their sockets and bite people in the face. Mutations via anger are fun. If I get it from all sides for being a fan of Adult Swim’s programming, I can only imagine how people who like WB’s The Legion of Superheroes and The Batman deal with things. Getting asked “why do you watch that kiddie crap?” is bad enough, but when shows have a bit of an anime influence to their character designs, hearing “I can’t stand that Japanese crap!” when it isn’t Japanese and it isn’t crap can be infuriating.
Yes, I know a lot of angry people.
Anyway, some bad news for Kids’ WB fans hit last week, as the long running programming block is getting the boot from the CW at the end of this season. What does this mean for aforementioned shows such as Legion and The Batman? No one knows, and it’s hard to say if the 4Kids block will pick them up. Personally, it’d be a sad day if no DC animated shows were on the air; I know some fans don’t like the new style of shows compared to Batman: The Animated Series or Justice League, but I’d personally rather have some sort of comics-themed programming on TV then none at all. Getting new folks to take a look at the industry is good for all involved if it happens, so hopefully those shows find a home.
How Are You Going to Steal From Indiana Jones?! What the Hell is Wrong With You?!
There are certain things that you don’t do. You don’t spit in the wind, you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t call Batman a bitch, and you don’t dry-hump Danny Bonaduce at awards shows. You don’t steal things involving Indiana Jones- namely a bunch of computers and photos that contain deal with stuff from the new movie. Yeah, the big dummy’s been caught already (which proves my aforementioned point), and this also goes a long way as to how much we tend to thrive off of movie scoops these days- hell, if someone had been dumb enough to buy stolen information, that would have been huge for internet movie culture. Sure, people buy stolen information all the time (hell, I have some secrets to lie about sell you), but information about a movie that most of the general population will go to see in less than a year? There’s something not right about that. It’d be disheartening if it came to pass, so congrats to all of you that didn’t buy that crap.
The First Appearance of Batman is in Your Attic: What Do You Do?
You sell it! Psychotic people (the author in question, naturally) would hold onto it, but since it’s the second most valuable comic book in the world (near mint can grab up to $500,000), some folks are going to sell, sell, sell. For the full story, go here. A personal note: the oldest comic book I have is Journey into Mystery #1, but it’s the one that doesn’t have the first appearance of Thor, dagnabbit. Imagine the dilemma I’d be in right now! What am I saying here, maybe I could swindle somebody! Did I just type that?! Crap! Uh… keep your eyes open, ladies and gentlemen. Miracles still do exist, and your parents could be hoarding comic books in their attics. Raid them. Pillage their wares. Don’t go home empty handed.
Somebody at Warner Bros. is Frickin’ Dumb… Allegedly
Warner Bros. has been having a hell of a time getting any DC Comics properties to the big screen that aren’t Superman or Batman, and even the former is having a tough time returning to multiplexes for round two. You’d figure that the time would be right for a Wonder Woman movie, but if Joss Whedon can’t get it done, then who can?
Apparently not Warner Brothers!
Word on the internets is that the president of production of the WB has said that the studio won’t be making any more films with female leads, and while I have been told various times not to believe any scuttlebutt unless it’s told directly to me, I’d just like to make this quick comment.
Bullshit. It’s gotta be.
If I even began to go on about how stupid and asinine a decision like this would be, we’d all be reading this segment all day, so I will not. But, I will say this- let’s keep an eye on WB’s film output over the next few years. If this embarrassment of a film studio’s focus comes to pass, just don’t go see their crap anymore. This goes for anything they do through New Line Cinema or other studios they have. Drop the hammer and make ‘em pay. Let’s keep them honest, ‘cuz as moviegoers and consumers of culture in general, we deserve to be treated a hell of a lot better than that.
I Don’t Like It When I Get Serious, So Here’s Me Ranting About Halo 3 Again
Holy Blue Hells of Hatred, Gorilla Fodder, Halo 3 sold $300 million dollars worth throughout it’s first week on shelves. This is amazing. It baffles me. I can’t fathom that much money being spent on one thing that doesn’t involve construction, weapons, or space travel. It is the fastest selling video game in history, and the only thing I can think will smash that record is GTA4 or… Halo 4. Funny how that works. Here’s the thing that gets me: will there ever be another original property that captures the hearts of gamers and non-gamers everywhere? I mean, even my dad asked me about Halo 3- I told him that you shoot things, and he just kinda smiled, which scared the crap out of me, but that’s a story for another time. (NOTE: the first thing he asked when he found out I bought a Wii was “Any shooters?” EA Games better not make the new Medal of Honor game good or anything like that or else I’m gonna be out $50). Is anyone going to make anything new that will actually catch on? Hell, one of the most original games that we’ve ever seen in the past couple of console cycles is Beyond Good and Evil, and damn near no one bought it. For all the technological advances the industry makes, it seems as if all us gamers are still exploring the same old worlds- yeah, some stuff makes a splash (God of War and Gears of War, for instance), but we’ve been suffering from an extreme case of “sequelitis” for a while now. Hopefully with Halo 3 conquering us all, we can get back to some much needed innovation in the industry… but that’s just my take on things.
Blast Processing versus Mode 7 Goodness – Mario versus Sonic… FOR REAL.
Finally, Mario and Sonic are going to fight, and not in the damn Olympics. The official Smash Bros. Brawl website announced today that Sonic would be a part of the playable roster for the upcoming game, and everyone was expecting it to happen, no one figured that Nintendo would announce it so soon. I like the idea of other companies offering up their mascot characters for inclusion into Nintendo’s upcoming fighting game; folks working together in order to create a fun experience for others is always a good time. It’ll be interesting to see how Super Smash Bros. Brawl sells during the holidays, as its’ definitely shaping up to be a killer app title thanks to the inclusion of Snake from the Metal Gear series as well as the aforementioned hedgehog. Now, if they can just toss Mega Man in there…
And That’s It!
Thanks for joining me this week. Next week, uh… more wackiness?
Yes, more wackiness!
Until then, keep pushing hard to be employee of the month. You’ve got your tools of business and a copy for your clients, so please go off to work with your briefcase full of guts.
…I need to stop listening to Dethklok.
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